How do I know someone cares about me? I feel like I over analyze everything and always find something wrong in the person I’m with.
It’s definitely what I’m good at
And maybe it’s partly my fault, but it’s not fully
Maybe I do have too much baggage
I remember bad things so much easier than good times.
Lately things have been so good that I feel like something is going to go wrong
I’m so used to bad stuff happening that when good happens, I self sabotage and look for bad stuff or reasons to be mad at the person I’m with
I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why this happens
I just know I want it to stop
I look up to my grand parents and see their amazing marriage and legacy that they left behind including me
And how could I not want the same?
I want to marry someone who can accept and handle me fully
Someone who wants to make me happy and someone that I want to make happy for the rest of my life
I try to prepare for the worst and hope for the best, however, I have the tendency to want things to go perfectly and smoothly.
I know that’s not life
And I know life is a beautiful, crazy mixed up, bubble of chaos
How do I stop these thoughts
I usually stop them with sleep
Or by doing something
But lately, all I can do is think
And ask people what they think
I have an issue with people who tell me to just have faith
It’s easier for me to let go of things than to trust things will work out
I’m a pro in letting go
But not believing