When Did it Become Okay?

When Did it Become Okay?

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Artwork by La Femme Cheri. Check her out on instagram @La_Femme_Cheri  The Gaff Blog does not own this image

When did it become okay to pass laws that target one sect of people that the lawmakers are not apart of?

And do not give me that easy bullshit answer about trying to maintain impartiality. If that were the case, when we speak about abortion rights we would solely be discussing the facts. Not this or that person’s opinion of what a woman should do with her own pregnancy. We would not be pitting fact against proven fiction to show where the truth lies.

We wouldn’t be telling people which bathroom they should be using.

Let’s cut the bullshit.

The bathroom that someone uses does not effect anyone else besides the user.
What does effect people: their thoughts. They perceive someone as out of the norm and they want to control those that step outside their zone of normal.

I have used the men’s bathroom several times. Hairs didn’t pop out of my chest.
I didn’t tickle or bother someone as I walked out. Most of the time there was no one else in the bathroom at all.
Most of the time, it’s a single stall bathroom and I went in there because the women’s bathroom was occupied.
With these facts in mind, almost no one cares that I did it.
See how facts work? They justify actions.
They show people’s motives and intentions for doing what they did.

People aren’t so black and white.
People are the colors that make up the rainbow.
Let people be people.

Not another drone in your controlled scheme.

 

N. Oliva

Xoxo

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Artwork by La Femme Cheri, check her out on instagram @La_Femme_Cheri  The Gaff Blog does not own this image. 

 

 

 

Seasons

Seasons

When you think about your life, what do you think?

What do you like about your life?

What could you do without?

Which memories could you relive for the rest of your life?

Which would you dispose of within an instant?

Why?

Why not?

What do you dream of late at night?

What dreams or nightmares wake you up in the morning?

Are you counting up your blessings?

Or adding up your problems?

Do you think of sharing your life with someone?

Who?

What thoughts cross your mind when you wake up?

Is it possible to wake down?

Is your life taking you for a spin?

Enjoy the ride. Enjoy the tide. Enjoy the highs.

And the lows that make the highs feel even better

Go surfing

Go ice skating

Go kayaking

You were made to make a parade of life

Not a pity party

Pity a starry night because it cannot look at itself to see how beautiful it is

Many times

Times many

Yoda

Star Wars

Citizen Kane

Rosebud

Roses bud

Spring out and flourish

Until the first frost

The seasons are like life

Winter

Starts out rough

A learning experience

April showers bring may flowers

May flowers and trees bring allergies

Who guessed a person who loved the environment would be allergic to trees?

Summer

A joy to experience

Almost everyone’s favorite season

Except that friend who insists snow is their favorite thing on earth

Fall

Leaves change colors

Your hair changes color

Leaves start to fall

How’s your hair looking old fart?

I think you can guess where this is heading

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper

 

N. Oliva

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Thursday Thoughts

Thursday Thoughts

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**The Gaff Blog does not own this image**

Have you ever felt utterly restless?

Like your just not doing enough

How do you know if your expectations are too high or if other people’s are too low?

Since I’ve been unemployed for some time, I have had a lot of questions. Not only why it’s so hard for someone to get an entry-level job around this time of year in New York City of all cities, the busiest city of them all but why people have become so anti-social in some aspects. But at the same time, they act like they’re doing stuff all day long on Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram.

I know I should not focus so much or any of my attention on these things. But as harsh as it seems, it kills me inside to think that some of these people who I have to share space and oxygen on the earth with are such selfish, careless individuals.

I want to be the change I wish to see.

I want to be upbeat and happy, do all the things I’ve ever hoped and dreamed of, hopefully with someone I love as well.

But, sometimes.

I can’t find the love inside myself to do it and move forward.

I don’t know how to find today’s peace.

I’m looking for my group of people who make my heart sing and every time I think I’m on my way towards that people remind me how terrible they are and I just want to quit.

Press stop.

It has nothing to do with money either. Oddly enough, I was happy when I made bullshit money at my job that I worked at night after coming home from classes. I loved the grind. Keeping myself busy.

I hate when people get mad at me for sharing my opinion and claim that I’m shaming someone else’s.

No, you just don’t like or agree with my opinion. Be upfront jack-off.

On the other hand, there’s a difference between someone being shamed for their opinion and someone saying something completely ridiculous or off-putting and hurting to people.

I am young but I have heard and read almost everything terrible possible. People are not begging for ‘safe spaces,’ they’re asking for human decency.

If America as a country has taught me anything, it’s that I have the right to say what I want but I also have to deal with the repercussions of stating my opinion. I do not have any problem with a person or group of people even, disagreeing with my opinion. What I dislike, is people just replying with their opinion instead of trying to listen to differing points and views and learning why someone thinks with that perspective.

I want to do something that makes me happy, meet people who I automatically click with and we can talk all day and night and hang out whenever. I personally do not like depending on people for anything but I do not want to feel like I am depending on people when I go to them with my feelings either.

I have been getting so bored and frustrated since I have been home looking for jobs, maybe partly cynical because of a bad experience I had with a job I thought was different than it turned out to be.

I used to love going on walks around my neighborhood and to the beach by me but it has become so awkward. I feel like people are looking at me like what the fuck is she doing using her legs outside? Legitimately. You’re not walking to your car? Or walking some place to eat? People are so strange and so basic at the same time.

I want to hang out and have fun with amazing, outstanding people who care about more than themselves and are okay sharing their opinion while also being okay listening to others endlessly.

I will end this post with a quote from someone (one of many) who inspires me. Suck it if you don’t like it!

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.Barack Obama

Nicole

xoxo

But to Love Me 

But to Love Me 

Please don’t think I hate you.

I love you with every fiber of my being

You should know you’re the only person that I dream about making a life with

But not like this

Every fight tears me up inside
I kept thinking that you didn’t love me enough. And that I wasn’t doing enough to show my love.

And maybe the last part is true.

But the truth is
I’ve been struggling.

Not to love you

But to love me.

Silly girl. Picture not owned by the Gaff Blog, screenshot taken on 09.24.2016

N. Oliva

A Letter to my Followers. What would you like to see? 

A Letter to my Followers. What would you like to see? 

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been contemplating what I want to do with the rest of my life. 
The answer: I’d love to create. 
Film, art, maybe in the future act or write a play. But before I get ahead of myself, I need some slight inspiration from you all. I have some ideas in my mind. But I’d really like to know what you all would be interested in. 
What genres of film are your favorites? Do people watch shorts that aren’t your average funny video on YouTube? Honest question.

One idea that I’ve been throwing around in my mind, is a film with a female villain. I’m unsure of her name so far. She meets this girl Daisy, who has been struggling to find herself. And she’s really struck by Daisy’s honesty. 

I’m thinking of naming the film Spark. You’ll see why if you’re interested. 

I’m so tired of seeing all the same films about all the same things. Or films that are simply an escape from reality, without trying to add something better to reality. Beyond documentaries, not many mainstream films address struggles of your average person. 
Daisy is a sweet girl who tries to see the best in everything and everyone. She truly wants to make the world a better place. But she’s unsure how. She hasn’t had the best family upbringing, has always felt bitterness from her mother, stepdad and sister, but she appreciates everything she has been through regardless. 

What I need is a motivation for her character. What wakes her up in the morning? What wakes you up in the morning? What’s going to take this sensitive woman from wanting to stay inside all the time, from doing the complete opposite?

My struggles right now are very close to Daisy’s.

I want to start a conversation. What do you think? What do you feel? I’m here for you. Inspire me, like I hope to inspire you all. 
Nicole xoxo. 

The Silence Between the Birds

The Silence Between the Birds

Watch your thoughts closely

From where did they come
The ego and the mind
Working together as one

This isn’t who we are
Or what we should believe                       The negative thoughts                                 The ego wanting to deceive
Step back for one moment                      And watch them from afar
See the pain and fear dissolve               Those thoughts not who we are

For we are infinite beings
Find stillness from within
The mind stops us from seeing
It can change the world we’re in            We are not our thoughts
Nor are we formed                                   From the ego and the mind
Our reality is torn                                  Watch the thoughts that come
And recognize why they are there
But be aware, they’re ego born               For your life they do not care

But once you see them for all they are They have no power over you
Watch them come and watch them go   With practice they’ll come few

You’re waking up now to beauty              To the things you’ve never heard               The waterfall, the mountains
The silence between the birds

Originally shared by:
https://www.instagram.com/p/BFhNdYXLk82/

Written by:
https://www.instagram.com/hannahshetler/

I found this poem a while back and neglected to post until now. Hope it provided something extra special for your day!

Loved by me, shared by the Gaff Blog 😊

I Made an Emoji! (Two Actually)

I Made an Emoji! (Two Actually)

So I had to share this, because I thought it was so fun. Often on google, they feature things that you can look at for that day.

Apparently today is World Emoji Day! So, google gave girls the chance to code an emoji that’s “unique like you”

world emoji day

With the limited amount of options given for hair colors and styles, this is a bit of an exaggeration to say. Still, I applaud them for their effort.

As you can see somewhat below, they give you options for customizing the eyes, mouth along with other options. The face and hair, which are both selected when you choose a name. I chose the Lily character for the second emoji I made. Which is shown below:

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The process is a little confusing until you do everything yourself. I got the hang of it once I played around with all of the options. Other customization choices include a hat like the flower crown shown, an outfit (the one shown here is listed in the drop down menu as a Rockstar jacket) and tool (an example being the artist’s pallet and glasses) I chose two tools because I happen to also have glasses.

I’m not sure if Google has done a lot of promotions for this website. But I definitely think it deserves a lot more attention than it probably gets. I’m glad that I stumbled upon it while online.

Ladies, if you want to do the same and make some personalized emojis click the link:

https://www.madewithcode.com/home/

Sorry guys 😥 I’m  a tad sad to say this option is only available for girls, but I think the point of this website is to get girls/women to code more, so don’t get too sad about it. If you still want to make some girl ones in the comfort of your own home, I am not judging or stopping you. Can’t say the same for others 😛

Both of my creations are below:

 

I am definitely not being paid by Google to talk about this, and the Gaff Blog does not do business with Google. If someone would like to pay me, be my guest lmao.

 

Have a good day/night everyone.

Nicole xoxo.

the gaff blog girl
The Gaff Blog Logo (and header on main page) created by yours truly Nicole Oliva
Keeping it Real

Keeping it Real

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Going along with my post from yesterday:
[ https://thegaffblog.com/04/14/16/the-fakeness-is-real/ ]

I wanted to practice what I preach and share my OOTD, which includes my favorite t-shirt.

I can’t lie and say I haven’t struggled with finding myself and just accepting myself for everything that I am. When I saw this shirt from Studio Mucci [bystudiomucci.com] (I bought it last year), it struck a chord in me.

I don’t have to figure out who I am. I create who I am. People see who you are by every move you make. Every word you say, or don’t say. I realized then and there I would focus on myself and making myself happy and forget about what everyone else thinks. Which is honestly where the problem lied. I knew who I was all along. I was simply hesitant to be myself.

Hope you enjoy my OOTD (styled this with some jeans to go to work).

What’s your OOTD? Or do you have an experience to share?
Show some love by liking, sharing and comment about your experience.

Lastly:
Be yourself. Don’t hesitate. Do.
And #KeepitReal

Love,
Nicole

The Fakeness is Real

The Fakeness is Real

How do you react when you feel disrespected?

Is it instantaneous for you? Not so much for me.

I tend to hold certain feelings back to not cause conflict. I don’t like conflict, but I also do not like feeling bad or bottling up bad feelings.

Recently I’ve gotten better at brushing things off.

The inspiration for this post however, was my breaking point.

Why are people sooooo fake?

One thing is for sure. Most people should not say everything they think and feel because a lot of feelings would get hurt. However, a lot of problems could be avoided if people were honest.

What does it even mean to be honest anymore? Are people honest? I honestly can’t say yes.

Everyone is full of the sickest shit and I’m sick of it.

For the protection of the person who inspired this I will not share details.

If you don’t like something, have the guts to say so.

If you agree with this post. Please: Comment, Like, Share. Would love to read about your experiences as well. Vent my loves. Vent!

#KeepitRealKeep it Real written on desert road

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Letting Go of My Anger

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Me when I’m angry

I’ll be the first to admit I am not perfect.

I’ve never had a problem with my flaws. However, my biggest flaw is I let my anger consume me at times. Most of the time this anger is a result of stress, or more honestly: things going wrong that I couldn’t control. I don’t think I’m very unique in this aspect but I could be proven wrong.

The famous line from the Shining has a point: all work and no play makes a dull boy (I’m a woman, but the point still rings true) I doubt this film is the first work of art to illustrate this point literally or figuratively. And it may seem ironic that I’m taking a horror film so seriously but I digress. Art is a representation of life. I don’t know if art always imitates life but in my experience art represents life in the best way: realistically. You may not be able to decipher what an artist or filmmaker had in mind. But artists put their heart and soul into their work. Even if this part of the Shining is trivial, it means something to me.

People cannot live a full life alone. Sure, you can have fun with yourself for a while. I’m not doubting you. I’m saying from experience that a lonely life is not a full one. Yet, there is nothing wrong with having alone time. I love alone time. If you need alone time, take what you need. I won’t tell you to stay at your job if you’re miserable. I can never be that person. That’s your decision. If something is making you miserable: take it out of your life and find something better. Whatever that thing is that could potentially make your life more meaningful. Art, music, film, what have you. Do what you love and if you can make money off of it (again, if that’s something you’re interested in) do it.

Besides alone time, I also love great wholesome fun (or otherwise) with people who want a good time as well. Yet, I’m also not someone who can drop my feelings at the door for anyone but me. If I’m feeling a certain way, I’m most likely going to say it. If I don’t, my feelings eventually bubble over turning me into some crazy monster version of me. At least 3 people can vouch for this. When I’m angry I’m horrible. Beyond horrible. I say things that cut people to the core. If I know you well enough (sounds weird but if I’m fighting with you, you probably mean a lot to me for me to even waste a breath) I know what to say to hurt you. Monster me will go that far. Low blow, however you want to phrase it, I say what will hurt the most.

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Kermit the frog here

I realized recently the cause of my worst anger, again, things going wrong that I can’t necessarily control. While I was having a rough time, I spoke with a good friend that told me the best thing you can do to solve a problem or stress is to take action. If you study for an exam, you can’t be mad when you get the grades that you worked for. But I was getting mad at things that I was not actively trying to solve. I was angry at the world for not bending to me. I was angry for not getting A’s when I was barely doing acceptable work (worst critic part of me writing here).

I’m an advertising major. Usually when I receive a critique in my copywriting class I laugh it off and basically I try to prove people wrong by doing a better version of my idea. At first, instead of learning from what people suggested, I did my own ideas that people still couldn’t comprehend. Sometimes my thoughts get very muddled and it’s hard to tell when I’m being stubborn or when people simply don’t understand my work. I am very misunderstood. I don’t speak very much in person. But when I do speak I try to say what’s most important. Maybe this is my problem.

I’ve been judging certain things as more or less important than other things and in the process I’ve done this with everything in my life as a whole. School for me is so much more important than work. But I can’t get to school every day if I don’t work. I live the NYC commuter school life, probably very atypical. The experience you may have not even heard of until now unless you live in NYC yourself. I’m really not writing this to sound cool or clever. I lived on campus for a semester and that definitely was not for me. I’m happy I was there and I learned the most I could learn about myself in those four months. But I fled because I was scared. Scared of being vulnerable. Scared of doing things that made me uncomfortable. Yet, I don’t regret leaving either.

The past four years have taught me a lot about myself as well. When I’m stressed, I’m the worst version of myself. I procrastinate even when that’s clearly the stupidest thing I could possibly do. I wake up miserable. I don’t want to do regular things that would normally make me happy, like eating food (half of the reason I started this blog lol). I’m barely hungry at all when I’m stressed. Most recently, since I may have an ulcer I try to stay as positive as possible and when things spiral out of control and consecutively do not go my way, I crash and I burn, and the saddest part is, I want to burn. The worst side of me wants this to all be over. So nothing can hurt me anymore. I would never cut myself or drink myself to death on purpose. Like I said, I may have an ulcer so every time I drink now it feels like I have the worst hangover or for the ladies reading this, the start of a period.

Most of my stress recently has been due to my health problems, i.e. possible ulcer and stomach issues overall. I want to drink. I want to have fun. Maybe I’m trying too hard. I know what I like, I really do. Sometimes I get tired of my interests and my overall chill life. But whenever I try to have other people’s version of fun I am disappointed. It’s not fun for me to drink before going out because I honestly want to pay full attention to whatever I’m doing. It’s hard for me to truly regret doing something because I see every experience as something to learn from. What I am glad about is that every time I have these experiences that disappoint me, they make me appreciate my interests more.

Don’t get me wrong. Sometimes I wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s not as easy as it seems for me to get to this point. At first, I do regret doing it. But what works the best for me may not work for others. If you can shake things off, good for you and I truly mean that. It is hard to build up confidence when you barely have any. But if you already have really firm and honest confidence, please do not let the world break you. Speak up when you need to. It truly helps. Even when someone doesn’t want to hear it. Say it for your piece of mind. Before I encourage you to insult someone, do not get me wrong. Do not say something solely to hurt someone. I am speaking from a very emotional place, but I think I have a very methodical way of dealing with my emotions. It is not typical, I have never been typical nor will I ever be.

I do not want to be typical. If I could erase the feeling of loneliness from the world I truly would do that. If I have ever made anyone feel alone, I straight up apologize here and now. It is never my intention to do so. However, I will say that although I consider myself compassionate and caring, we all have two sides to ourselves. Some people are reluctant to admit it, but we all have an angry horrible side. Or maybe I’m extremely unique again. I don’t believe so. Most people probably need more to set off their anger compared to me. Yet even through all the differences I could name I want to look at the other side.

We all want basically the same things. No one wants to feel lonely. No one wants to feel hurt or feel weak. You may want to end everything. But please, please. If you do not have much more time or even not enough care to finish reading this look here: You are your star. Do what makes YOU happy. Stop caring about what other people think. If it seems like the world is against you, it’s time to learn something. Trust me please with this one.

I have had the biggest highs and really deep lows. I have had numerous times that I wanted to end it all. But even through all of that, I still love myself enough to not give up.

What works for me you may ask? How did I get through it? That’s a hard question to answer but basically, I do not hide my emotions if I feel their important. I cry when I need to cry. I leave class when I want to leave class (yes, really lol.) I walked out of my copy writing class when my professor would not hear me out about my ad concepts. Dramatic? Maybe. Did it make me feel better? Damn right, yes it did. Yet, even through my anger, I talked it out, listened to people dear to me who I know have my best interests at heart and applied what they said. Instead of being a bone head, I changed my idea based on my professor’s comments and he seems to respect my ideas even if he has a crappy way of showing it. I respect my professor, even if he hated me for my reaction that day.

Before this turns into a novel, I want to end this on a positive, but also honest note. If you take anything from this please believe me when I say it:

Be yourself.

When you let down those walls that have been killing you to your core, it is the greatest feeling in the world.

Yes, it is uncomfortable at first.

People get busy… soo…

Make yourself your world.
Don’t expect the world to bend for you.

Sometimes you have to swallow your pride and do what is right.

If you want to scream fuck the world, do it.

But sooner or later if you’re miserable, you have to do something for you. Stop listening to other people, or stop hanging around people who make you feel bad. Especially if it seriously effects you.

You should apologize when you’re wrong or hurt someone you care about. But do not apologize for being yourself.

If you must explain your actions, do it.

It is worth it for someone you care about.

You are more than worth it. You know why? You’re lucky to be alive. You’re lucky to breathe a fresh breath every single day when you wake up. Even when you’re in pain, or hungover or whatever is plaguing you. There are people in many undeveloped countries who want to be in your position, even if they have never experienced it or know nothing about your life.

I do not like thinking of events as lucky or unlucky. But I certainly am blessed. I have worked for most things that I have whether people believe me or not. I am a constant work in progress. We all live and die. I am not scared of death. I’m scared of not living a full life. But on my terms. Not yours, or his or hers, or the dudes that only like me for my body.

Fuck them. Fuck other opinions. Love life.

Throw out the bad stuff in your life. Embrace the good.

Please.

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Shine bright

Thank you for reading,

Nicole xoxo