Dear Old Nicki

Dear Old Nicki

Dear Old Nicki,

I’ve been talking to present me for a while but I think I might need the old me to show herself for at least a moment.

The one who didn’t give a fuck what anyone thought

The one who had her own style and set her own trends

Who wasn’t attached to her phone or worthless people

Why are you giving people so many chances to hurt you?

Yes, you learned to let shit go and focus on the positive, but how much is too much?

You don’t want to go back to being silent and losing your voice

That’s why people love and respect you

Why you love yourself

You say what needs to be said

And show no mercy

Don’t show mercy to people who are treating you like a joke and an option

Set limits

Stick to them

If people don’t like it

FUCK THEM

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Letter to Anyone: How do I know?

Letter to Anyone: How do I know?

How do I know someone cares about me? I feel like I over analyze everything and always find something wrong in the person I’m with.

It’s definitely what I’m good at

And maybe it’s partly my fault, but it’s not fully

Maybe I do have too much baggage

I remember bad things so much easier than good times.

Lately things have been so good that I feel like something is going to go wrong

I’m so used to bad stuff happening that when good happens, I self sabotage and look for bad stuff or reasons to be mad at the person I’m with

I don’t know what’s wrong with me or why this happens

I just know I want it to stop

I look up to my grand parents and see their amazing marriage and legacy that they left behind including me

And how could I not want the same?

I want to marry someone who can accept and handle me fully

Someone who wants to make me happy and someone that I want to make happy for the rest of my life

I try to prepare for the worst and hope for the best, however, I have the tendency to want things to go perfectly and smoothly.

I know that’s not life

And I know life is a beautiful, crazy mixed up, bubble of chaos

How do I stop these thoughts

I usually stop them with sleep

Or by doing something

But lately, all I can do is think

And ask people what they think

I have an issue with people who tell me to just have faith

It’s easier for me to let go of things than to trust things will work out

I’m a pro in letting go

But not believing

N. Oliva

A Letter Unsent to Someone Undeserving

A Letter Unsent to Someone Undeserving

May 19, 2018 (Originally written in my notebook)

I don’t want to be cut off or distracted by what you have to say.

I never forced anything on you. Unlike you, who cannot say the same.

You forced yourself into my life. When I first met you, I loved your energy. You were so alive and I admired that about you.

But when we reconnected last June and after the first few dates we had, I could tell something had changed within you.

Not to sound overly cliché, but you were so blue. No other way to describe you. Maybe black and blue.

Because you were so sad and dead at the same time.

When I found out what happened, a few details here and there, I could not stop thinking about it.

I needed to know more.

I knew you weren’t fully you.

I could feel the life sucked out of you. And I wanted to help you feel alive again.

When I say you forced yourself into my life, I mean that in the best way possible.

You were the first person to talk to me in the break room at Home Depot (besides people I know from orientation) and I just admired that you came up to me and told me so much about yourself. I felt like I knew you already so well from that one encounter.

You were the breath of fresh air that I needed after the past year that I had (back then).

And you’re probably one of the first reasons I even stayed at HD for as long as I did.

Let’s jump ahead because this is all of the positive stuff.

I would regret it if I did not say this to you ever.

But I had a crush on you since that first time I saw and met you.

When I added you on Facebook, before we started talking again, it was to reconnect with you.

Every time I saw you at HD, it made me happier than you’ll ever know because I had to hide it since I was with my ex then.

I even told Searra’s mom about meeting you that first time at HD and she told me to give you a chance.

Not in those exact words, but that’s another story for later.

Long story short, I was beyond glad when you messaged me first.

And here we are today.

So every time you were inconsistent with me hurt even more and shut out all of the times you made me happy.

Like I said, you told me about some things that happened with your ex and as I learned more about yourself and her relationship with you, I realized when you were actually telling me the truth.

I’m not sure of exact details between you and her.

I’m not sure who is the bigger sack of garbage.

Either way, I know how I feel now given every side that I have seen of you.

I saw the good in you for so long.

But all you have continued to show me is bad.

I overlooked it for whatever reason for so long.

Either you and your ex, deserve each other or to die alone.

Regardless, you don’t deserve me.

I know my worth and as petty or irrational as I could react to everything you did

Including blocking me with the intention to cut me out of your life

I know who I am and I hope you find who you are again and keep your garbage dump of a personality

OUT OF MY LIFE!

P.S (Written May 21, 2018)

As much as I hate to admit, I’ve never felt like anyone understood me to my core as well as you do.

I feel like one of my best friends passed away and like I’ll never see them again.

You’ve turned me into a better person in many ways, and a worse person in other ways.

I have to find the silver lining in this, or else this clearly wouldn’t be written by me.

Maybe I’ll find someone else who understands me

I always have hope

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Letters: Why didn’t I believe you

Letters: Why didn’t I believe you

Why don’t I believe people when they show me who they are?

Am I too stubborn? Or too sweet to function?

Because it’s taken me a while to figure out who I am but even then,

I know some people put up a front for so long and then snap when shit gets rough

I can’t say I’ve never had the same pattern however I will say:

I try to be as straight up and honest with people as I can

I might not say all of my feelings out loud

But I show them

Anyone that doesn’t know how I feel about them isn’t paying attention or just doesn’t care or maybe is even more stubborn

Or way more insecure than I’ll ever be

Idk why people think I’m insecure

Sure, I have my moments

But don’t project your insecurities or problems on me

She may be but little but this bitch is fierce

If you don’t know where that’s from

Please read more

Make America read again

How about that bitch

I’m more confident than I’ve ever been.

I speak my mind like I’m being paid for it. But when I want to

Not to fill the silence like other awkward people who can’t handle silence do

Silence is golden

If you can’t see the good in silence or in me, then you’re not paying attention long enough or caring enough

Or anywhere near close to good enough for me.

And I believe you now

N. Oliva

The Fakeness is Real

The Fakeness is Real

How do you react when you feel disrespected?

Is it instantaneous for you? Not so much for me.

I tend to hold certain feelings back to not cause conflict. I don’t like conflict, but I also do not like feeling bad or bottling up bad feelings.

Recently I’ve gotten better at brushing things off.

The inspiration for this post however, was my breaking point.

Why are people sooooo fake?

One thing is for sure. Most people should not say everything they think and feel because a lot of feelings would get hurt. However, a lot of problems could be avoided if people were honest.

What does it even mean to be honest anymore? Are people honest? I honestly can’t say yes.

Everyone is full of the sickest shit and I’m sick of it.

For the protection of the person who inspired this I will not share details.

If you don’t like something, have the guts to say so.

If you agree with this post. Please: Comment, Like, Share. Would love to read about your experiences as well. Vent my loves. Vent!

#KeepitRealKeep it Real written on desert road

XP Webcomic Artist Turns Disney Princesses Into Velociraptors – Velociprincesses

XP Webcomic Artist Turns Disney Princesses Into Velociraptors – Velociprincesses

People are super obsessed with Raptors since seeing the bad ass quartet in Jurassic World.

So Laura Cooper, artist that creates loveliness for XP (xpwebcomic.com) turned Disney Princesses into Velociraptors!

Before I say much else, my favorite of the bunch is the one created for Mulan: the quote Cooper chose to use is perfect! XD

Mulanraptor

mulanraptor
Image by Laura Cooper from XP (the webcomic) **The Gaff does not own this image**

The remainder are as follows.

Velociraptiana

Image by Laura Cooper from  XP (the webcomic) **the gaff does not own this image**
Image by Laura Cooper from XP (the webcomic)
**the gaff does not own this image**

Cinderraptor

cinderapter
Image by Laura Cooper from XP (the webcomic) **the gaff does not own this image**

Ariaptor

Image by Laura Cooper from  XP (the webcomic) **the gaff does not own this image**
Image by Laura Cooper from XP (the webcomic)
**the gaff does not own this image**

Frozenraptors: Anaraptor & Elsaraptor

Image by Laura Cooper from  XP (the webcomic) **the gaff does not own this image**
Image by Laura Cooper from XP (the webcomic)
**the gaff does not own this image**

Jasraptor

Image by Laura Cooper from  XP (the webcomic) **the gaff does not own this image**
Image by Laura Cooper from XP (the webcomic)
**the gaff does not own this image**

Meraptor

Image by Laura Cooper from  XP (the webcomic) **the gaff does not own this image**
Image by Laura Cooper from XP (the webcomic)
**the gaff does not own this image**

Sleepingraptor

Image by Laura Cooper from  XP (the webcomic) **the gaff does not own this image**
Image by Laura Cooper from XP (the webcomic)
**the gaff does not own this image**

Tangledraptor

Image by Laura Cooper from  XP (the webcomic) **the gaff does not own this image**
Image by Laura Cooper from XP (the webcomic)
**the gaff does not own this image**

Snowwhiteraptor

Image by Laura Cooper from  XP (the webcomic) **the gaff does not own this image**
Image by Laura Cooper from XP (the webcomic)
**the gaff does not own this image**

Raptorbelle

raptorbelle
Image by Laura Cooper from XP (the webcomic) **the gaff does not own this image**

Lastly, Pocaraptor

Image by Laura Cooper from  XP (the webcomic) **the gaff does not own this image**
Image by Laura Cooper from XP (the webcomic)
**the gaff does not own this image**

Original Gallery Post Here: http://xpwebcomic.com/gallery/

**The Gaff Blog does not own any of the images shown in this post**

Hope you enjoyed this Raptor filled post 🙂

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Inside Out (2015) A Film Where Emotions are the Stars – Pixar – Directed by Pete Docter and Ronaldo Del Carmen

Inside Out (2015) A Film Where Emotions are the Stars – Pixar – Directed by Pete Docter and Ronaldo Del Carmen

So, I’ve always personally loved Pixar films. Who doesn’t love good animation?

Pixar, so far has not made a bad film, and they’re not about to start.

I’ll admit when I first saw the initial trailer for Inside Out, I liked it, however, I thought it was just a dash bit too corny.

Don’t crucify me just yet. From beginning to end of the film, I was blown awaaayy.

Not only is the film about the inner workings of our brain, but the animated protagonist is a girl!

Thank you Pixar!

Riley Anderson (Kaitlyn Dias), a girl who loves goofing off with her family and playing hockey is a joy to watch throughout the film.

And that’s not even the best part! **Spoiler Alert**

The film starts from her first memory.

Riley is a baby at home with her parents.

We see the inner workings of Riley’s life and some of her life events played out through her memories and the personified emotions inside her head which seem to decide her outcome for every interaction based on her emotion that takes over.

The emotions are the stars of the film. But Riley is still the true protagonist for me. It is her life, but the emotions control it, which is majority of what we see: her emotions – Joy, Fear, Anger, Disgust and Sadness and how their decisions affect her life when she moves from her home in Minnesota to San Francisco, California. Unfortunately for her, San Fran has broccoli pizza and not any back yard or lake! (You’ll get it when you see it, and yes you will probably see it :P)

Inside Out by Pixar animation studios Directed by
Inside Out by Pixar animation studios Directed by Pete Docter and Ronaldo Del Carmen.  **The Gaff Blog does not own this image**

Joy (Amy Poehler) is personified as a yellow, happy-as-can-be character with some lovely cerulean hair. Fear (Bill Hader) is an interesting lavender hue, and stops Riley in her tracks when danger arrives. Disgust (Mindy Kaling), is a green toned girl who, amongst other things, stops her from eating the dreaded broccoli. Anger, is as red and angry as can be. He is played by the king of anger: Lewis Black. If you don’t like Pixar, or animated films for whatever reason, go for Lewis Black. Lastly, Sadness (Phyllis Smith), the one no one seems to want, but we all learn that we need sometimes — is blue and while she is mostly given dialogue destined for the butt of a joke, she changes Riley’s life in an unexpected way. You may argue that there are more emotions than these in people’s lives, but I can argue that they all stem from the ones presented. All of Riley’s memories are shown arriving into her brain in a marble-like ball through long tubes and are color coated by each emotion.

As the film progresses, Sadness keeps transforming Riley’s most important memories (called “core memories”) into sad blue ones. Joy has been throughout Riley’s life consistently (Joy has been there in her head and within her life and relationships). Riley has loving parents, a good amount of friends and plays on a hockey team that involves both. Who wouldn’t be filled with joy? Joy wants to stay in Riley’s life, but things change.

Joy becomes lost and Riley is overcome with fear, anger and disgust when a big move happens. Literally Riley’s whole personality is destroyed. The characters Joy and Sadness become lost inside Riley’s head because of a freak accident. The tubes that send Riley’s memories for the day into the area of her brain with her long-term memory end up taking Joy and Sadness up and as a result they must find their way back to their main headquarters.

This freak accident coincides with the big move that Riley’s family makes, which seemingly could not happen at a worse time. Riley is unsure of herself and her new classmates on her first day and is overcome with sadness when Sadness touches her core memories and makes Riley realize she will not do these things again in San Francisco. Sadness transforms Riley’s memories (the one’s shown, which Riley cries over) of ice skating the first time on the lake with her dad, playing hockey with her friends, etc. Instead of remaining joyful memories, they become sad ones, and Riley is filled with grief. Joy takes the wheel, and in a panic to stop Sadness from wrecking Riley’s core memories goes up into the tube along with Sadness.

The journey back into headquarters is a long and colorful one. Even more colorful than the emotions controlling Riley’s reactions.

Wish to see a refreshing and funny film, that is deep and filled with some learning but also fun?

Make your life easy and go see Inside Out!

Your life can’t get any worse by seeing the movie, you might have already gone through puberty unlike Riley 😛

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**The Gaff Blog does not own the image used for this post**