Unsent Letter to (Unnamed)

Unsent Letter to (Unnamed)

I hate you so much for what you did to me.

I hated you when you spoke about me as if I meant nothing to you.

I hated how many chances I gave you to hurt me and you used my kindness against me

I hate how much you’ve reminded me of my tumultuous relationship with my parents

I hate how bad at communication you are.

Now that I think about it…

I don’t think you’re bad at communicating at all. I think you’re so used to your vague form of communication that you’re not able to see the flaws in it. You have made excuses for body shaming me, and trying to make me feel small with your words. You’re so cruel and evil on the inside for trying to take the power away from someone that thought so highly of you until you betrayed me.

If you think picking me up a few times, making me a few meals + calling me pretty to butter me up on a slim few occasions makes up for any part of what you did, it doesn’t.

I see the snake in you and I call your bluff.

You have treated me like I’m nothing for far too long.

I’m not better than most people BUT I’m certainly better than you

I can’t believe I was attracted to someone as repulsive as you.

STAY THE FXCK AWAY FROM ME

I’m glad I finally got this off my chest.

You don’t belong to me, and I don’t belong to you

I won’t forgive you, you don’t deserve forgiveness

I hate to say it, but when you told me a gun was pulled on you, I thought you finally got your karma besides losing all of your hair.

I hope the lost chance with me hurts you so badly you cry yourself to sleep at night thinking about what you could have had. A woman as good as me by your side?

I know I’m the full package.

Yet you couldn’t see that. You only saw my flaws because you were only in this for yourself.

You didn’t think about what benefitted me at all…

I hate how much your manipulation caused me to blame myself and think I was the problem for being “too nice.”

I’m not too nice.

You’re just a sad, pathetic asshole who wouldn’t know good if it slapped you in the face.

I don’t know what exactly happened to you in your past, but it’s not an excuse for how you treated me.

You don’t despise me, you despise yourself for the mistreatment you accepted in the past and you don’t know how to let go of your need to control a situation and the narrative.

I have allowed you to affect my self-esteem and self-worth for FAR too long.

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOUR CAT

FUCK YOUR PARENTS

FUCK YOUR EX

FUCK YOUR CAR(S)

I hope ALL of your tires pop and you need assistance on a very busy California highway

I would like to get to the point where I can wish you well, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

Yours truly,

That bitch from Staten Island

When Did it Become Okay?

When Did it Become Okay?

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Artwork by La Femme Cheri. Check her out on instagram @La_Femme_Cheri  The Gaff Blog does not own this image

When did it become okay to pass laws that target one sect of people that the lawmakers are not apart of?

And do not give me that easy bullshit answer about trying to maintain impartiality. If that were the case, when we speak about abortion rights we would solely be discussing the facts. Not this or that person’s opinion of what a woman should do with her own pregnancy. We would not be pitting fact against proven fiction to show where the truth lies.

We wouldn’t be telling people which bathroom they should be using.

Let’s cut the bullshit.

The bathroom that someone uses does not effect anyone else besides the user.
What does effect people: their thoughts. They perceive someone as out of the norm and they want to control those that step outside their zone of normal.

I have used the men’s bathroom several times. Hairs didn’t pop out of my chest.
I didn’t tickle or bother someone as I walked out. Most of the time there was no one else in the bathroom at all.
Most of the time, it’s a single stall bathroom and I went in there because the women’s bathroom was occupied.
With these facts in mind, almost no one cares that I did it.
See how facts work? They justify actions.
They show people’s motives and intentions for doing what they did.

People aren’t so black and white.
People are the colors that make up the rainbow.
Let people be people.

Not another drone in your controlled scheme.

 

N. Oliva

Xoxo

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Artwork by La Femme Cheri, check her out on instagram @La_Femme_Cheri  The Gaff Blog does not own this image. 

 

 

 

Seasons

Seasons

When you think about your life, what do you think?

What do you like about your life?

What could you do without?

Which memories could you relive for the rest of your life?

Which would you dispose of within an instant?

Why?

Why not?

What do you dream of late at night?

What dreams or nightmares wake you up in the morning?

Are you counting up your blessings?

Or adding up your problems?

Do you think of sharing your life with someone?

Who?

What thoughts cross your mind when you wake up?

Is it possible to wake down?

Is your life taking you for a spin?

Enjoy the ride. Enjoy the tide. Enjoy the highs.

And the lows that make the highs feel even better

Go surfing

Go ice skating

Go kayaking

You were made to make a parade of life

Not a pity party

Pity a starry night because it cannot look at itself to see how beautiful it is

Many times

Times many

Yoda

Star Wars

Citizen Kane

Rosebud

Roses bud

Spring out and flourish

Until the first frost

The seasons are like life

Winter

Starts out rough

A learning experience

April showers bring may flowers

May flowers and trees bring allergies

Who guessed a person who loved the environment would be allergic to trees?

Summer

A joy to experience

Almost everyone’s favorite season

Except that friend who insists snow is their favorite thing on earth

Fall

Leaves change colors

Your hair changes color

Leaves start to fall

How’s your hair looking old fart?

I think you can guess where this is heading

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper

 

N. Oliva

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Thursday Thoughts

Thursday Thoughts

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**The Gaff Blog does not own this image**

Have you ever felt utterly restless?

Like your just not doing enough

How do you know if your expectations are too high or if other people’s are too low?

Since I’ve been unemployed for some time, I have had a lot of questions. Not only why it’s so hard for someone to get an entry-level job around this time of year in New York City of all cities, the busiest city of them all but why people have become so anti-social in some aspects. But at the same time, they act like they’re doing stuff all day long on Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram.

I know I should not focus so much or any of my attention on these things. But as harsh as it seems, it kills me inside to think that some of these people who I have to share space and oxygen on the earth with are such selfish, careless individuals.

I want to be the change I wish to see.

I want to be upbeat and happy, do all the things I’ve ever hoped and dreamed of, hopefully with someone I love as well.

But, sometimes.

I can’t find the love inside myself to do it and move forward.

I don’t know how to find today’s peace.

I’m looking for my group of people who make my heart sing and every time I think I’m on my way towards that people remind me how terrible they are and I just want to quit.

Press stop.

It has nothing to do with money either. Oddly enough, I was happy when I made bullshit money at my job that I worked at night after coming home from classes. I loved the grind. Keeping myself busy.

I hate when people get mad at me for sharing my opinion and claim that I’m shaming someone else’s.

No, you just don’t like or agree with my opinion. Be upfront jack-off.

On the other hand, there’s a difference between someone being shamed for their opinion and someone saying something completely ridiculous or off-putting and hurting to people.

I am young but I have heard and read almost everything terrible possible. People are not begging for ‘safe spaces,’ they’re asking for human decency.

If America as a country has taught me anything, it’s that I have the right to say what I want but I also have to deal with the repercussions of stating my opinion. I do not have any problem with a person or group of people even, disagreeing with my opinion. What I dislike, is people just replying with their opinion instead of trying to listen to differing points and views and learning why someone thinks with that perspective.

I want to do something that makes me happy, meet people who I automatically click with and we can talk all day and night and hang out whenever. I personally do not like depending on people for anything but I do not want to feel like I am depending on people when I go to them with my feelings either.

I have been getting so bored and frustrated since I have been home looking for jobs, maybe partly cynical because of a bad experience I had with a job I thought was different than it turned out to be.

I used to love going on walks around my neighborhood and to the beach by me but it has become so awkward. I feel like people are looking at me like what the fuck is she doing using her legs outside? Legitimately. You’re not walking to your car? Or walking some place to eat? People are so strange and so basic at the same time.

I want to hang out and have fun with amazing, outstanding people who care about more than themselves and are okay sharing their opinion while also being okay listening to others endlessly.

I will end this post with a quote from someone (one of many) who inspires me. Suck it if you don’t like it!

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.Barack Obama

Nicole

xoxo