The sun

The sun

Sometimes I feel like the sun

Like I can bright up the whole world and everyone’s life

Like nothing can touch me

But it’s hard when you actually realize

You’re imperfect

And

That people you keep treating like your entire universe

Keep dousing your flames

Its as if people are ashamed of how bright you shine

Or they’re like the moon when there’s a lunar eclipse

They can’t help but block your shine

Maybe it’s a natural occurrence

Maybe when people get close to me they’re burned by my temperature

A lot of people look at me like I have something they want

Like a marvel

And maybe

Those wants are just superficial

Maybe I put too much energy into everything and everyone around me

But everytime I expect people to deliver what I give

I’m faced with disappointment

It’s hard to be selfless in a world of selfishness

It’s hard to keep shining in a world of darkness

All I ever needed was your matchstick…

To take my wrongs and make them right
To take my darkness and make it bright

I know I’m the one who yields the power of holding the match stick and lighting up my life

To keeping myself happy

But the world would be a little less lonely if people would try to get close and not act so cold

It’s ok to be warm

Warmth can be defined in different ways

People who are there when they have no reason to be

People that stick around and listen to you

They offer help if they can or they just spend time with you to let you know that you’re not alone

Because that’s the last thing that they would ever want someone to feel like

Maybe they try to make you laugh and forget about all of the bullshit

You’re not alone if you’re not in a relationship but who are we all kidding

Everyone wants to be with someone at the end of the day

Whether it’s the same person or not

Don’t push people away

Shine solo or together with someone

N. Oliva

You were born to make an amazing life

You were born to make an amazing life

You were born to make an amazing life

Not to sit around waiting for a change and making random posts on Instagram for insta-likes

You were born to feel the wind in your hair and the sun on your cheeks (face and ass if you can rock it)

You were born to conquer your fears not to become a victim to your anxieties

Don’t get me wrong

Fears, anxieties, depression, they’re all monsters that plague us.

But when you let yourself become a victim to your mind

Are you really living?

This isn’t a criticism. It’s a wake up call

Live your fucking dreams

And don’t apologize for occasionally having your head in the clouds

It’s what keeps us alive

Dreaming, hoping, loving those around us

Struggle shapes you

Don’t let it knock you too far down

You’re meant to rise back up as high mountains and show the world why you deserve your spot

Because you were born to make an amazing life

And I will keep believing this is true no matter how many bitter, miserable people attempt to bring me down and make me think I’m the one who’s naïve

Be the person of your dreams

I believe in you and I

N. Oliva

A generation scorned

A generation scorned

Don’t tell me to keep things positive

What’s positive about being a part of a generation with so many expectations attached to us that any decision made that isn’t perfect to everyone is criticized?

The levels of depression and anxiety prove it

What is this world coming to?

Ruled by a bunch of people that own large corporations so they act like they own people

Maybe the idea of peace is a fallacy

But as a child I didn’t think the world would be ruined by so much greed

So much arrogance

People who think they know everything

If they were smart they would know you never stop learning

And that different perspectives are what make this world fantastic

Although like I said earlier, the soapbox syndrome we’re all apart of now where we criticize everything from our keyboards does come with its own flaws (and as much irony as me typing this on my phone right now)

But can you blame us?

That’s how our generation learned to express ourselves

If you’re not a major player in the game, shut up and be quiet. The world doesn’t care what you think

So instead of speaking up in person, we learned to speak up through our keyboards

To battle our battles with only like minded individuals because of algorithms designed to section us up, not knowing that these tactics would r really tear us apart.

I don’t claim to know any of the answers

But what do our elders really expect us to do with this garbage dump of a country that is left behind?

Let’s blame the millennials for everything we had almost no control over

But continue drinking the kool-aid, those old farts probably won’t read this anyway

They’re too busy pointing fingers when what people need to do right now is look in the mirror and really see what’s wrong with the world

N. Oliva

I Take it Back

I Take it Back

You weren’t the best thing that ever happened to me

Maybe for a while

But after the allure ran out

I was just a person with too many problems for you

Sorry my life isn’t a storybook dream

What would you like me to do about that?

Lie about everything going on?

Lie about being happy?

For what?

Yes of course I wanted you to be happy

But the problems I was dealing with (still dealing with) are/ were not things you can just push aside

And it’s funny because when you’re having an issue you expect me to just put my stuff aside and help you to forget about yours or make you feel better

But how did you help me? By telling me to take control of myself?

If I had control over the situations that were troubling me I wouldn’t have felt so bad

Is that so hard to understand?

Literally everything that happened was out of my control.

Yes I can control myself but I can’t control how others react to me

You can’t deny that

Am I supposed to stay silent and not defend myself ever?

Because that would literally be the only solution to keeping the peace

And I was sick of being silent

Silenced

By everyone

Including you

You were my everything for so long

And it pains me to say that my everything didn’t understand me

To my core

At all

Someone who doesn’t even know me had to explain me to you

I’m not sure why I held on for so long

I got way too comfortable with you

Even after the first sign I knew you weren’t right for me

I take back what I said

I don’t want to be with you or marry you

Our future is not in the back of my mind anymore

The only thing I’m focused on

Is me

N. Oliva

Expectations of the Sheep

Expectations of the Sheep

IMG_0874 (2)
“Drained” N. Oliva 12/2017

People think because a person has a degree that automatically they get to work a glamorous job and make stacks of money.

Sure the opportunities are out there, but what if that’s not what a person wants?

What if my goal is to work with a great team somewhere and be happy.

Of course, there are bills to pay but are we really living to work?

That’s not how I pictured my life going.

Maybe my goals are too picturesque or cliche. Not set in reality. But I don’t think it’s hard to find a nice group of people and make your job something more than that. Something you enjoy

Maybe my goals are too simple for the NYC grind and area.

Maybe my home will be somewhere out west or south or even another country.

I’m a firm believer that life is what you make it.

But what if the people around me truly are to blame for my negative outlook.

I’ve been patient for a while hoping that if I’m nice and do everything I need to do to keep the peace that maybe people would change.

Maybe they would appreciate the things that I do for them without them asking.

But these people never do.

These people are only happy when you’re doing everything they ask and nothing more. When you say what they want you to say and act like another one of the sheep like they do.

News flash

I never was a sheep and I never will be

I’m like a lotus flower wrapped in diamonds

Sculpted by the pressure and atmosphere around me

The dirt is more my friend and family than people related to me by blood at times

I know things could be so much worse

I know my life is great on the surface

I could not be living at all

I try my best to embrace each day that comes

But sometimes

Just sometimes

The thought of not waking up seems like a sweet release compared to living this life that I live

Where money has become more important to people than company

Maybe it’s time to stop being comfortable. To leave and find my tribe.

I may have lost my leaves. But trust me when I say

I will grow

And I will flourish again in the spring

I always do.

It’s in my nature

Forever blooming

dalai lama quote

 

N. Oliva

When I Say I am a Feminist

When I Say I am a Feminist


When I say I am a Feminist

It has nothing to do with a hate for men

When I say I am a Feminist

It’s not because my dad chose not to see me as a child

When I say I am a Feminist

It’s not because of the latent patriarchy that is so evident to me, but not clear to people that say “you’re so lucky to live in America, what are you complaining about?” when I already knew this to be true, I come from a family that supports and has ties to the military and have never said I was not lucky. I have a great love for my country and I am still able to criticize it. Let’s not praise it like we are unable to do anything wrong.

When I say I am a Feminist

I try my best to be intersectional but we all have our own blinders on due to our own perspectives shaped by the people in our lives and our own developed knowledge.

When I say I am a Feminist

It’s because of all the women that I’ve met and had around me my whole life. The ones who work painstakingly and get barely any credit. Their opinions are questioned at every level by men and women, often more than their male counterparts. Their ways of life are questioned. If a woman doesn’t want a child, or if she does and wants to work, or she stays home with the child. No matter what we choose, there’s someone behind a keyboard criticizing us for just trying to live our lives authentically to who we are as individuals.

Women that like to cook, or women that don’t cook or clean. Because you know that’s what women are supposed to do and we’re supposed to clean until things look spotless but you know it’s an option for the guy because he’s the stereotypical breadwinner. If he’s not the breadwinner we judge that too.

For gay couples that want to adopt children or go through invitro, etc. Their an abomination? But yet their taking children that they technically have no obligation to into their homes and lives to give them a more enriched life. Wow, how fucking terrible.

When I say I am a Feminist

I say it for the guys who don’t want to be hyper masculine either. I see you and I may not understand your struggle exactly. But I feel it at times when I joke about being an alpha and guys laugh at me as if that’s not a possible thing for a woman to be.

I say it for the guys who think they have to pay for everything and when I offer to pay they shrivel up in fear as if that’s something terrible for a woman to offer a man.

Finally

When I say I am a Feminist

It’s for all the women and men who show up, who listen to me and also allow me to listen to them. All the women and men (people, also trans/gender fluid) that are just trying to be their own authentic selves.

It’s for all the women in my life that are so amazing, beautiful, but also intelligent individuals yet some people are too prideful to admit.

It’s for all the women that have to play coy when a guy flirts with them so they can ease away from an awkward situation. Or the women who are bold enough to speak up and risk a potential conflict that shouldn’t happen when someone speaks up for themselves.

It’s for men who fell into these situations with women they don’t want to get involved with (because they should want advances from any woman right?)

It’s for a love of all people

Anyone that feels like an other, generally not included.

Meet your Feminist

N. Oliva