When I Say I am a Feminist

When I Say I am a Feminist

When I say I am a Feminist

It has nothing to do with a hate for men

When I say I am a Feminist

It’s not because my dad chose not to see me as a child

When I say I am a Feminist

It’s not because of the latent patriarchy that is so evident to me, but not clear to people that say “you’re so lucky to live in America, what are you complaining about?” when I already knew this to be true, I come from a family that supports and has ties to the military and have never said I was not lucky. I have a great love for my country and I am still able to criticize it. Let’s not praise it like we are unable to do anything wrong.

When I say I am a Feminist

I try my best to be intersectional but we all have our own blinders on due to our own perspectives shaped by the people in our lives and our own developed knowledge.

When I say I am a Feminist

It’s because of all the women that I’ve met and had around me my whole life. The ones who work painstakingly and get barely any credit. Their opinions are questioned at every level by men and women, often more than their male counterparts. Their ways of life are questioned. If a woman doesn’t want a child, or if she does and wants to work, or she stays home with the child. No matter what we choose, there’s someone behind a keyboard criticizing us for just trying to live our lives authentically to who we are as individuals.

Women that like to cook, or women that don’t cook or clean. Because you know that’s what women are supposed to do and we’re supposed to clean until things look spotless but you know it’s an option for the guy because he’s the stereotypical breadwinner. If he’s not the breadwinner we judge that too.

For gay couples that want to adopt children or go through invitro, etc. Their an abomination? But yet their taking children that they technically have no obligation to into their homes and lives to give them a more enriched life. Wow, how fucking terrible.

When I say I am a Feminist

I say it for the guys who don’t want to be hyper masculine either. I see you and I may not understand your struggle exactly. But I feel it at times when I joke about being an alpha and guys laugh at me as if that’s not a possible thing for a woman to be.

I say it for the guys who think they have to pay for everything and when I offer to pay they shrivel up in fear as if that’s something terrible for a woman to offer a man.

Finally

When I say I am a Feminist

It’s for all the women and men who show up, who listen to me and also allow me to listen to them. All the women and men (people, also trans/gender fluid) that are just trying to be their own authentic selves.

It’s for all the women in my life that are so amazing, beautiful, but also intelligent individuals yet some people are too prideful to admit.

It’s for all the women that have to play coy when a guy flirts with them so they can ease away from an awkward situation. Or the women who are bold enough to speak up and risk a potential conflict that shouldn’t happen when someone speaks up for themselves.

It’s for men who fell into these situations with women they don’t want to get involved with (because they should want advances from any woman right?)

It’s for a love of all people

Anyone that feels like an other, generally not included.

Meet your Feminist

N. Oliva

I Surrender

I Surrender

I admit defeat.

The girl who usually knows what to do has been stumped.

Never thought of you to be the one to play mind games

But here we are!

Imagine if I called or texted a guy when I was drunk?

I would be labeled desperate. But you’re a guy, so you’re just passionate.

I’m a grown fucking woman, yet I can’t decide when to talk to the person I’m in a relationship with.

The same bullshit busy excuse. I was used to it at one point but now it just makes me nauseous

This is either the last time I let you make me feel like this or a series of unfortunate events leading up to the last time.

Excuse my anger, believe it or not, I love and appreciate all of the good moments we have shared. But to date, those good times have been replaced with fighting, fighting, and more fighting!

If only you would really communicate with me. You say I’m terrible at communicating, but ha, you leave so many things left unsaid and then randomly blow up on me.

I learned how to let off steam in middle school. If being with me makes you that anxious to share your feelings, I don’t know what relationship you have been a part of.

I can, however, tell you how it feels from my end.

Mostly me missing you, wanting to talk to you. Occasionally share things that have happened in my day. Yes, sometimes I do want to talk all day! It’s almost like you’re my significant other.. haha. Fuck me for thinking you should have my back or see somewhat eye-to-eye with me on matters like such.

I know the last time you told me you were lonely I could have reacted better. Been like:

“Babe, I miss you too.”

Because it was one hundred percent true! I did realllyyyy miss you.

But past a certain point, it feels like I’m just waiting for you to return feelings that I know that I have for you.

I’m not just sitting around playing with my thumbs. I may not be attending school anymore (I graduated, thank the lord)

I’m not even sure if I ever shared with you how hard my last semester was for me. I don’t think I did.

Here are some feelings again: Try not to be daunted

I was depressed. Deeply depressed. I didn’t want to go to class, I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I wanted to sleep all day and night. I especially did not want to do my school work, because I didn’t think I was capable, I could barely focus at all on anything besides the thought of not wanting to breathe anymore.

But I pushed myself forward. Relied on whoever I could to help me with my struggles, went to therapy whenever I could, which truly did help. (I thank you for helping me reach out and realize I needed to talk to a professional psychologist/therapist) Was the best thing I could have ever done for myself at that point. I also, started a new job at a place I never thought I could handle, I worked sales! I walked around and helped people for sometimes nine hours a day! With a smile on my face, I might add.

But you don’t recognize that I only use that fake smile on people I don’t know. The real smile pops up when I’m around people who let me be me.

At the start of us talking and hanging out, I really did think I could be myself. I don’t know when the switch really happened.

I know I get jealous, I know I can be a hot head at times. I don’t deny any of that. But you never tried to ease my insecurities in person. Just made it seem like I was trying to ruin your day. What a selfish way of looking at it.

 

You listed alllll of your problems to me recently. You know when. Apparently, I’m one of your problems, why your life sucks.

I’m one of your melancholy buddies from home.

Oh, joy. What an honor to have made your list.

I should quit my bitching and smack a smile on my face to make every man who has ever judged me for not smiling happily.

Didn’t realize I was honored to be with such an upstanding respectful guy.

Hide your emotions, we don’t need those. We can just push them away and away until you snap like I do babe.

Except when I snap, I’m a hot head. When you snap, you passed your breaking point.

 

See my problem here?

Besides the textbook gaslighting, which you probably still don’t understand.

 

You limit me. Yes, I said it.

I don’t need to mope around all day. But what I do need is someone willing to listen to me when I have some issues with my life that I need to get off my chest.

You pride yourself on being a modern upstanding guy. News flash. Licking a girl’s twat now and again doesn’t make you a prince.

Yes, you’re a nice guy, that people can definitely have fun with. As a boyfriend. There’s no word or phrase to describe you besides selectively loving and caring.

 

I’m in love with the guy that I think you are and can be. Sadly, I barely see him in you and your actions anymore.

I surrender.

Tell me I’m crazy.

Gaslight me.

Then try to tell me everything you think I should hear Mr. Smug.

What else is new with you. Nothing.

 

White towel thrown.

 

 

 

 

N. Oliva

 

 

Status

Ideas and Submissions

The Gaff Blog would love to collaborate with you!

Here at the Gaff Blog, we love to inspire an environment of inclusiveness.

A blog with a humble but growing following ourselves, we would love to team up with anyone looking for some more views on their blog, or someone looking to share their art, music, or anything visual with the world.

If you’re looking for an opportunity like such, do not hesitate to send a submission or idea our way!

 

Submissions are best sent by email to our founder Nicole: nicoleoliva588@gmail.com

 

Best,

my emoji

Nicole xoxo

When Did it Become Okay?

When Did it Become Okay?

screenshot_2016-11-28-14-04-44-1
Artwork by La Femme Cheri. Check her out on instagram @La_Femme_Cheri  The Gaff Blog does not own this image

When did it become okay to pass laws that target one sect of people that the lawmakers are not apart of?

And do not give me that easy bullshit answer about trying to maintain impartiality. If that were the case, when we speak about abortion rights we would solely be discussing the facts. Not this or that person’s opinion of what a woman should do with her own pregnancy. We would not be pitting fact against proven fiction to show where the truth lies.

We wouldn’t be telling people which bathroom they should be using.

Let’s cut the bullshit.

The bathroom that someone uses does not effect anyone else besides the user.
What does effect people: their thoughts. They perceive someone as out of the norm and they want to control those that step outside their zone of normal.

I have used the men’s bathroom several times. Hairs didn’t pop out of my chest.
I didn’t tickle or bother someone as I walked out. Most of the time there was no one else in the bathroom at all.
Most of the time, it’s a single stall bathroom and I went in there because the women’s bathroom was occupied.
With these facts in mind, almost no one cares that I did it.
See how facts work? They justify actions.
They show people’s motives and intentions for doing what they did.

People aren’t so black and white.
People are the colors that make up the rainbow.
Let people be people.

Not another drone in your controlled scheme.

 

N. Oliva

Xoxo

Screenshot_2016-11-20-19-57-03-1.png
Artwork by La Femme Cheri, check her out on instagram @La_Femme_Cheri  The Gaff Blog does not own this image. 

 

 

 

Seasons

Seasons

When you think about your life, what do you think?

What do you like about your life?

What could you do without?

Which memories could you relive for the rest of your life?

Which would you dispose of within an instant?

Why?

Why not?

What do you dream of late at night?

What dreams or nightmares wake you up in the morning?

Are you counting up your blessings?

Or adding up your problems?

Do you think of sharing your life with someone?

Who?

What thoughts cross your mind when you wake up?

Is it possible to wake down?

Is your life taking you for a spin?

Enjoy the ride. Enjoy the tide. Enjoy the highs.

And the lows that make the highs feel even better

Go surfing

Go ice skating

Go kayaking

You were made to make a parade of life

Not a pity party

Pity a starry night because it cannot look at itself to see how beautiful it is

Many times

Times many

Yoda

Star Wars

Citizen Kane

Rosebud

Roses bud

Spring out and flourish

Until the first frost

The seasons are like life

Winter

Starts out rough

A learning experience

April showers bring may flowers

May flowers and trees bring allergies

Who guessed a person who loved the environment would be allergic to trees?

Summer

A joy to experience

Almost everyone’s favorite season

Except that friend who insists snow is their favorite thing on earth

Fall

Leaves change colors

Your hair changes color

Leaves start to fall

How’s your hair looking old fart?

I think you can guess where this is heading

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper

 

N. Oliva

seasons-tree

Thursday Thoughts

Thursday Thoughts

girl-motor-brain
**The Gaff Blog does not own this image**

Have you ever felt utterly restless?

Like your just not doing enough

How do you know if your expectations are too high or if other people’s are too low?

Since I’ve been unemployed for some time, I have had a lot of questions. Not only why it’s so hard for someone to get an entry-level job around this time of year in New York City of all cities, the busiest city of them all but why people have become so anti-social in some aspects. But at the same time, they act like they’re doing stuff all day long on Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram.

I know I should not focus so much or any of my attention on these things. But as harsh as it seems, it kills me inside to think that some of these people who I have to share space and oxygen on the earth with are such selfish, careless individuals.

I want to be the change I wish to see.

I want to be upbeat and happy, do all the things I’ve ever hoped and dreamed of, hopefully with someone I love as well.

But, sometimes.

I can’t find the love inside myself to do it and move forward.

I don’t know how to find today’s peace.

I’m looking for my group of people who make my heart sing and every time I think I’m on my way towards that people remind me how terrible they are and I just want to quit.

Press stop.

It has nothing to do with money either. Oddly enough, I was happy when I made bullshit money at my job that I worked at night after coming home from classes. I loved the grind. Keeping myself busy.

I hate when people get mad at me for sharing my opinion and claim that I’m shaming someone else’s.

No, you just don’t like or agree with my opinion. Be upfront jack-off.

On the other hand, there’s a difference between someone being shamed for their opinion and someone saying something completely ridiculous or off-putting and hurting to people.

I am young but I have heard and read almost everything terrible possible. People are not begging for ‘safe spaces,’ they’re asking for human decency.

If America as a country has taught me anything, it’s that I have the right to say what I want but I also have to deal with the repercussions of stating my opinion. I do not have any problem with a person or group of people even, disagreeing with my opinion. What I dislike, is people just replying with their opinion instead of trying to listen to differing points and views and learning why someone thinks with that perspective.

I want to do something that makes me happy, meet people who I automatically click with and we can talk all day and night and hang out whenever. I personally do not like depending on people for anything but I do not want to feel like I am depending on people when I go to them with my feelings either.

I have been getting so bored and frustrated since I have been home looking for jobs, maybe partly cynical because of a bad experience I had with a job I thought was different than it turned out to be.

I used to love going on walks around my neighborhood and to the beach by me but it has become so awkward. I feel like people are looking at me like what the fuck is she doing using her legs outside? Legitimately. You’re not walking to your car? Or walking some place to eat? People are so strange and so basic at the same time.

I want to hang out and have fun with amazing, outstanding people who care about more than themselves and are okay sharing their opinion while also being okay listening to others endlessly.

I will end this post with a quote from someone (one of many) who inspires me. Suck it if you don’t like it!

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.Barack Obama

Nicole

xoxo

I Made an Emoji! (Two Actually)

I Made an Emoji! (Two Actually)

So I had to share this, because I thought it was so fun. Often on google, they feature things that you can look at for that day.

Apparently today is World Emoji Day! So, google gave girls the chance to code an emoji that’s “unique like you”

world emoji day

With the limited amount of options given for hair colors and styles, this is a bit of an exaggeration to say. Still, I applaud them for their effort.

As you can see somewhat below, they give you options for customizing the eyes, mouth along with other options. The face and hair, which are both selected when you choose a name. I chose the Lily character for the second emoji I made. Which is shown below:

madewithcode image.png

The process is a little confusing until you do everything yourself. I got the hang of it once I played around with all of the options. Other customization choices include a hat like the flower crown shown, an outfit (the one shown here is listed in the drop down menu as a Rockstar jacket) and tool (an example being the artist’s pallet and glasses) I chose two tools because I happen to also have glasses.

I’m not sure if Google has done a lot of promotions for this website. But I definitely think it deserves a lot more attention than it probably gets. I’m glad that I stumbled upon it while online.

Ladies, if you want to do the same and make some personalized emojis click the link:

https://www.madewithcode.com/home/

Sorry guys 😥 I’m  a tad sad to say this option is only available for girls, but I think the point of this website is to get girls/women to code more, so don’t get too sad about it. If you still want to make some girl ones in the comfort of your own home, I am not judging or stopping you. Can’t say the same for others 😛

Both of my creations are below:

 

I am definitely not being paid by Google to talk about this, and the Gaff Blog does not do business with Google. If someone would like to pay me, be my guest lmao.

 

Have a good day/night everyone.

Nicole xoxo.

the gaff blog girl
The Gaff Blog Logo (and header on main page) created by yours truly Nicole Oliva