What Do I Want To Do With My Life?

What Do I Want To Do With My Life?

gaff blog post sharing image
Image created by yours truly N. Oliva

When I think about what I want for my life, the present the future, etc., sometimes I’m very torn. Maybe I’m asking too much of myself to even know what I want to do with the rest of my life.

At times, I want a life where you know, I make a lot of many and I’m financially able to do whatever I want. But when I think about it realistically I know this financially competent life will not come to me easily.

Other times, when I take a moment to pause and see what’s around me. I am so thankful that my life is great in a very simple way. For those who do not know, I am 23 years old, so pardon me if I’m speaking beyond my years, but I’m happy that I was raised having great pride for where I come from even though my origins do not necessarily involve great assets or a family business. The community of people who have raised me has all done great in their own way. Though they do not get large recognition for this, does not change how wonderful they are.

So continuing with my own thoughts and what I want with my life I think I want a happy medium of the two lifestyles I keep pushing myself towards. Nothing extreme. I don’t mind working hard, don’t get me wrong. But when I have children, for example, I want to be a part of their lives. Not just for a few hours a day. I want to make breakfast for them. Ask them how their day was when they leave school. Simple things like this that could affect their lives positively. Having that person you can always go to talk to is important to me. I know not all children want to be attached to their parents, and I hope I won’t appear to be one of those parents trying to be cool either. But I do want them to feel like I’m a person they can trust and come to with whatever thoughts or concerns they have. Even questions I might not be able to answer, or in some instances, questions and concerns that may be off-color or traditionally hard to speak about.

When I think what I want for my life: I want to do everything I’m anxious to do, but also not too many things or jobs that steal from my joy.

That’s really general, I know. Which makes it even more difficult to figure out what exactly I want to do for a career.

First and foremost, I like writing on this blog because there’s no obligation.

Second, I created this blog, so it’s one hundred percent under my control.

I don’t have a boss telling me when to blog. The only parameters I basically have are an audience that I have to attract through WordPress reader or social media. And believe it or not, I love that challenge. When I started this blog, the challenge was very new, and even two years later there’s still an ever-changing challenge to find you guys who have the patience and the want to read my posts.

It’s not that I don’t like authority or working with a boss. I just hate having to deal with that traditional boss that overreaches and in general, just makes your life less about you.

I don’t think it’s narcissistic to want my life to be about me, and doing what I want that brings me joy.

I hate this notion some people have that your job doesn’t have to be something you like doing, that you go for the money, because every time I’m at my wit’s end at a job that I don’t like and I’m doing simply for the money, I get back to the same problem I’m having currently: grappling with my own thoughts on my future.

What do I want to do with my life?

Things that add joy my life, provide a challenge, give me something new to tackle and somewhere in between there, hopefully, those things can provide me some income.

Those who know me personally know I’d love a life and career in some form related to film work. I know that getting a start in a film career is not easy. But I’ve already gotten two production gigs under my belt. If things work positively, maybe I’ll be hiring production assistants sometime in the future!

dream job next exit

 

N. Oliva

Rosebud – A Piece of Film History I Adore And Would Own With Pride – Citizen Kane 1941 *Spoiler Alert*

Rosebud – A Piece of Film History I Adore And Would Own With Pride – Citizen Kane 1941 *Spoiler Alert*

**Citizen Kane 1941 Orson Welles - Image of Charles Foster Kane from Imdb**
**Citizen Kane 1941 Orson Welles – Image of Charles Foster Kane from IMDB**

Before seeing Citizen Kane, I did not understand what all of the noise was about. A significant portion of older films received a load of recognition close to the ‘dawn of film’. However, since Citizen Kane is heralded as one of the best films ever made, I could not judge a book by its cover, or in this case, by the film’s name or poster image. Citizen Kane was released in 1941, many years after film’s inception, leaving more reason to trust the credibility of many scholars who judge this movie as a major achievement in film history for the production techniques used as well as the story-line.

So, who is Citizen Kane?

**Spoiler Alert: Do Not Read Further If You Have Not Seen Citizen Kane and wish to not have the ending spoiled** 

[ The Mystery of Kane ] Citzen Kane - Image of Kane from A Sharper Focus **The Gaff Blog does not own this image**
[ The Mystery of Kane ]
Citizen Kane – Image of Kane from A Sharper Focus **The Gaff Blog does not own this image**

Who is Charles Foster Kane and what is the meaning of the word Rosebud?

If you’re patient enough to watch until the end, the audience gets a hint of the true meaning and importance of Rosebud. The film asserts that the world never truly knew Mr. Charles Foster Kane. How could they? Kane is a famous publishing tycoon and when news spreads about the last word he says before his death, people scramble to figure out what it meant: Rosebud.” 

Kane is a man who was sold to a rich man by his poor family. Further down the line, he becomes the owner of a newspaper and creates his own news, among many other things. Kane has a good amount of time wrapping up his image with a nice neat bow until a competing paper divulges a cheating scandal with another woman. Kane is played by the genius himself, Orson Welles, who unfortunately did not receive much critical acclaim beyond discussions related to Citizen Kane. Kane’s character is based on WR Hearst. But the character of Kane is an enigma by himself. It would be hard to describe him any other way than to say the man that everyone wants to be friends with. But to love? Perhaps not. He has everything he could ever want — it seems. Except the thing he wanted the most as a child: Rosebud, a snow sled. And theoretically: Pure joy. When he was sold by his original parents to his rich guardian, he lost that childish but also a very important sense of love and joy. The person who obviously changed his life, some could say for the better, lacked the love of a mother or father. Technically, he received all of the physical things he wished for. But not love. Which is why his relationships with women fail and his life end in lonesome.

I think anyone who comes from an atypical home can relate to the less than spectacular feeling that encompasses Kane. He constantly reached for love and admiration from outside forces, girls dancing around him, the crowd cheering during his political speeches about the common man (though he was far from common with his rich father/guardian) even when he truly did not know what love meant because he did not experience love since his childhood. It can be argued that Kane never did experience love, because his family gave him away for money. Sure, it made his life better financially. But when someone’s dying words are the name of an old sled: You can get the feeling that he truly did not experience much joy.

If I could see or own Rosebud: I would treasure it and own it with pride because of everything the sled symbolizes. Like Kane, Rosebud is more than what meets the eye. Yes, it’s a sled. Roger Ebert wrote in his own review of Citizen Kane, “Rosebud is the emblem of the security, hope, and innocence of childhood, which a man can spend his life seeking to regain. It is the green light at the end of Gatsby’s pier; the leopard atop Kilimanjaro, seeking nobody knows what; the bone tossed into the air in “2001.” It is that yearning after transience that adults learn to suppress.” Source: (http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/great-movie-citizen-kane-1941)

“Maybe Rosebud was something he couldn’t get or something he lost,” says Thompson, the reporter assigned to the puzzle of Kane’s dying word. “Anyway, it wouldn’t have explained anything.” (Dialogue from Citizen Kane)

Ebert goes on to write: “True, it explains nothing, but it is remarkably satisfactory as a demonstration that nothing can be explained.” Citizen Kane likes playful paradoxes like that. Its surface is as much fun as any movie ever made. Its depths surpass understanding. I have analyzed it a shot at a time with more than 30 groups, and together we have seen, I believe, pretty much everything that is there on the screen. The more clearly I can see its physical manifestation, the more I am stirred by its mystery.”

To me, the sled also symbolizes joy and the simplest forms of love. If you experience all of these things often, consider yourself lucky.

If you have not seen Citizen Kane, check out the marvel that it truly is.

For more info on Citizen Kane read Roger Ebert’s full review: http://www.rogerebert.com/reviews/great-movie-citizen-kane-1941  and read his “Viewer’s Companion to Citizen Kane:” http://www.rogerebert.com/rogers-journal/a-viewers-companion-to-citizen-kane

The idea for this post came from a partnership with invaluable.com
To see or buy movie collectibles like Rosebud visit the website: http://www.invaluable.com