A Letter to Myself: A Day in the life of Nicole

A Letter to Myself: A Day in the life of Nicole

Originally written in my notebook on February 13, 2018

A day in the life of Nicole:

What will it take for you to be happy Nicole? I wish I knew the answer. I know a lot of things but it seems the thing I know the least sometimes is myself.

Why do I need a companion to feel happy? I know I am a whole person alone. But is it so bad to want someone who could be there for me unconditionally? Maybe not bad, but perhaps slightly unrealistic. People seem to not have that type of loyalty these days.

Maybe you will find this person, but even if you don’t, that doesn’t mean your life has to be put on hold until you do. Your an amazing woman who gives all you can to everyone you cross paths with. You cannot expect the world to be as bold, pure and noble as you are. Most people do not get the perfect partner or family and that’s ok.

The one person you can without a doubt always count on is you.

Be proud.

This is not the first time you felt this way and it probably won’t be the last.

Embrace the crazy, mixed up emotions that is life.

You were born to make an amazing life

You were born to make an amazing life

You were born to make an amazing life

Not to sit around waiting for a change and making random posts on Instagram for insta-likes

You were born to feel the wind in your hair and the sun on your cheeks (face and ass if you can rock it)

You were born to conquer your fears not to become a victim to your anxieties

Don’t get me wrong

Fears, anxieties, depression, they’re all monsters that plague us.

But when you let yourself become a victim to your mind

Are you really living?

This isn’t a criticism. It’s a wake up call

Live your fucking dreams

And don’t apologize for occasionally having your head in the clouds

It’s what keeps us alive

Dreaming, hoping, loving those around us

Struggle shapes you

Don’t let it knock you too far down

You’re meant to rise back up as high mountains and show the world why you deserve your spot

Because you were born to make an amazing life

And I will keep believing this is true no matter how many bitter, miserable people attempt to bring me down and make me think I’m the one who’s naïve

Be the person of your dreams

I believe in you and I

N. Oliva

I Take it Back

I Take it Back

You weren’t the best thing that ever happened to me

Maybe for a while

But after the allure ran out

I was just a person with too many problems for you

Sorry my life isn’t a storybook dream

What would you like me to do about that?

Lie about everything going on?

Lie about being happy?

For what?

Yes of course I wanted you to be happy

But the problems I was dealing with (still dealing with) are/ were not things you can just push aside

And it’s funny because when you’re having an issue you expect me to just put my stuff aside and help you to forget about yours or make you feel better

But how did you help me? By telling me to take control of myself?

If I had control over the situations that were troubling me I wouldn’t have felt so bad

Is that so hard to understand?

Literally everything that happened was out of my control.

Yes I can control myself but I can’t control how others react to me

You can’t deny that

Am I supposed to stay silent and not defend myself ever?

Because that would literally be the only solution to keeping the peace

And I was sick of being silent

Silenced

By everyone

Including you

You were my everything for so long

And it pains me to say that my everything didn’t understand me

To my core

At all

Someone who doesn’t even know me had to explain me to you

I’m not sure why I held on for so long

I got way too comfortable with you

Even after the first sign I knew you weren’t right for me

I take back what I said

I don’t want to be with you or marry you

Our future is not in the back of my mind anymore

The only thing I’m focused on

Is me

N. Oliva

Expectations of the Sheep

Expectations of the Sheep

IMG_0874 (2)
“Drained” N. Oliva 12/2017

People think because a person has a degree that automatically they get to work a glamorous job and make stacks of money.

Sure the opportunities are out there, but what if that’s not what a person wants?

What if my goal is to work with a great team somewhere and be happy.

Of course, there are bills to pay but are we really living to work?

That’s not how I pictured my life going.

Maybe my goals are too picturesque or cliche. Not set in reality. But I don’t think it’s hard to find a nice group of people and make your job something more than that. Something you enjoy

Maybe my goals are too simple for the NYC grind and area.

Maybe my home will be somewhere out west or south or even another country.

I’m a firm believer that life is what you make it.

But what if the people around me truly are to blame for my negative outlook.

I’ve been patient for a while hoping that if I’m nice and do everything I need to do to keep the peace that maybe people would change.

Maybe they would appreciate the things that I do for them without them asking.

But these people never do.

These people are only happy when you’re doing everything they ask and nothing more. When you say what they want you to say and act like another one of the sheep like they do.

News flash

I never was a sheep and I never will be

I’m like a lotus flower wrapped in diamonds

Sculpted by the pressure and atmosphere around me

The dirt is more my friend and family than people related to me by blood at times

I know things could be so much worse

I know my life is great on the surface

I could not be living at all

I try my best to embrace each day that comes

But sometimes

Just sometimes

The thought of not waking up seems like a sweet release compared to living this life that I live

Where money has become more important to people than company

Maybe it’s time to stop being comfortable. To leave and find my tribe.

I may have lost my leaves. But trust me when I say

I will grow

And I will flourish again in the spring

I always do.

It’s in my nature

Forever blooming

dalai lama quote

 

N. Oliva

Hit Record: On TV – A Piece of Art #Art Tuesdays

Hit Record: On TV – A Piece of Art #Art Tuesdays

Typically, I would not review a TV show on here, but since I have said this you must already know how great Hit Record: On TV must be. Should I even go on?

Of course, I will go on!

"Hit Record On TV" image, **The Gaff Blog does not own this image**
“Hit Record On TV” image, **The Gaff Blog does not own this image**

So hard not to explain my love for this wonderful show that Joseph Gordon Levitt plays such a pivotal part in. I do not know how much of this show was Levitt’s idea, but whoever created the concept for how it is put together is ingenious.

Basically, Hit Record: On TV is a skit show made entirely through collaboration with Levitt’s Hit Record community online.

My love for this show is undying. I finished the season almost in one day (8 episodes, 20 minutes each). Would have finished it in one day but I wanted to stretch it since each episode was so good.

I will admit I am a very emotional person, so I cried at least once per episode. The content is not entirely sappy but this show does get very real and discusses topics in a very beautiful way. Refreshing does not suffice as an explanation of its character/ personality. Extraordinary does not cut it either. It feels like a show that you have always wanted to watch, but always felt was there at the same time. In a way, the show feels like a friend that you missed for a long time and you see them again.

The first episode coincidentally: deals with the number one (1). All of the episodes have their own theme which is very fitting. Talking about the number one in the first episode is a very great introduction to the rest of the season. Most of the episodes start and end with about the same format. The last episode is a very great ending to the overall season as well.

One example of when I cried: the episode RE: Space. The opener to this episode is so heart-touching and warm. I will not give away anything else related to the rest of said episode to not ruin it. I did not know before googling that this show was shown on Pivot TV, which is a great network. But I saw this show entirely on Netflix.

Please give this show a chance, we do not get good quality content like this every day. Hit Record: On TV is truly a piece of art and I would not waste time writing this if I did not truly believe it.

Update 9.9.2017 Apparently this is no longer on Netflix, but watch on TV if you ever get the chance!