Artwork by La Femme Cheri. Check her out on instagram @La_Femme_Cheri The Gaff Blog does not own this image
When did it become okay to pass laws that target one sect of people that the lawmakers are not apart of?
And do not give me that easy bullshit answer about trying to maintain impartiality. If that were the case, when we speak about abortion rights we would solely be discussing the facts. Not this or that person’s opinion of what a woman should do with her own pregnancy. We would not be pitting fact against proven fiction to show where the truth lies.
We wouldn’t be telling people which bathroom they should be using.
Let’s cut the bullshit.
The bathroom that someone uses does not effect anyone else besides the user.
What does effect people: their thoughts. They perceive someone as out of the norm and they want to control those that step outside their zone of normal.
I have used the men’s bathroom several times. Hairs didn’t pop out of my chest.
I didn’t tickle or bother someone as I walked out. Most of the time there was no one else in the bathroom at all.
Most of the time, it’s a single stall bathroom and I went in there because the women’s bathroom was occupied.
With these facts in mind, almost no one cares that I did it.
See how facts work? They justify actions.
They show people’s motives and intentions for doing what they did.
People aren’t so black and white.
People are the colors that make up the rainbow.
Let people be people.
Not another drone in your controlled scheme.
N. Oliva
Xoxo
Artwork by La Femme Cheri, check her out on instagram @La_Femme_Cheri The Gaff Blog does not own this image.
How do you know if your expectations are too high or if other people’s are too low?
Since I’ve been unemployed for some time, I have had a lot of questions. Not only why it’s so hard for someone to get an entry-level job around this time of year in New York City of all cities, the busiest city of them all but why people have become so anti-social in some aspects. But at the same time, they act like they’re doing stuff all day long on Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram.
I know I should not focus so much or any of my attention on these things. But as harsh as it seems, it kills me inside to think that some of these people who I have to share space and oxygen on the earth with are such selfish, careless individuals.
I want to be the change I wish to see.
I want to be upbeat and happy, do all the things I’ve ever hoped and dreamed of, hopefully with someone I love as well.
But, sometimes.
I can’t find the love inside myself to do it and move forward.
I don’t know how to find today’s peace.
I’m looking for my group of people who make my heart sing and every time I think I’m on my way towards that people remind me how terrible they are and I just want to quit.
Press stop.
It has nothing to do with money either. Oddly enough, I was happy when I made bullshit money at my job that I worked at night after coming home from classes. I loved the grind. Keeping myself busy.
I hate when people get mad at me for sharing my opinion and claim that I’m shaming someone else’s.
No, you just don’t like or agree with my opinion. Be upfront jack-off.
On the other hand, there’s a difference between someone being shamed for their opinion and someone saying something completely ridiculous or off-putting and hurting to people.
I am young but I have heard and read almost everything terrible possible. People are not begging for ‘safe spaces,’ they’re asking for human decency.
If America as a country has taught me anything, it’s that I have the right to say what I want but I also have to deal with the repercussions of stating my opinion. I do not have any problem with a person or group of people even, disagreeing with my opinion. What I dislike, is people just replying with their opinion instead of trying to listen to differing points and views and learning why someone thinks with that perspective.
I want to do something that makes me happy, meet people who I automatically click with and we can talk all day and night and hang out whenever. I personally do not like depending on people for anything but I do not want to feel like I am depending on people when I go to them with my feelings either.
I have been getting so bored and frustrated since I have been home looking for jobs, maybe partly cynical because of a bad experience I had with a job I thought was different than it turned out to be.
I used to love going on walks around my neighborhood and to the beach by me but it has become so awkward. I feel like people are looking at me like what the fuck is she doing using her legs outside? Legitimately. You’re not walking to your car? Or walking some place to eat? People are so strange and so basic at the same time.
I want to hang out and have fun with amazing, outstanding people who care about more than themselves and are okay sharing their opinion while also being okay listening to others endlessly.
I will end this post with a quote from someone (one of many) who inspires me. Suck it if you don’t like it!
Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. We are the change that we seek. – Barack Obama
Normally I would write or share posts like this on Art Tuesday but if you’ve been reading my page recently you’d see that sorta went out the window. I’ve been very into art and writing my feelings out. But sometimes even I do not have all the words, like most people I presume.
But this poem struck me. A lot of us have had issues with self-esteem and with loving ourselves. And if I can help anyone. Even just one person overcome there’s, then I’ve done right.
Please check out this person’s lovely post and blog on tumblr. Link below.
A Letter to Someone I Love: Everything I Didn’t Tell You
Photo found on tumblr **The Gaff Blog does not own this image**
I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I stressed you out. I was angry. I know this doesn’t excuse my words or actions. But I didn’t mean it. Your brain isn’t rotten. You have a great mind that can achieve anything. I truly believe that. Even if we do not become one again, I hope for the best for you. Not because you were mine. But because I was yours as well. You’re the one person I never wanted to hurt in any way and I failed. Failed miserably. Mostly because of factors outside of your control. My insecurities together with horrible timing. When we met and got together being with you was heaven but at the end we created hell for each other. I know it’s unrealistic to promise that we’ll be in heaven again, but I hope maybe someday you will feel that. Not just with me, with anyone.
Heaven and Earth are open to you, if you accept them. I cannot promise fights will not happen. That would be a stupid promise to make. But I promise that I learned my lesson. I had the world given to me and I was overcome by petty nonsense. I don’t even believe God is on my side right now. When I was miserable in the past, I asked him for happiness and I truly believe that he gave me that in the form of you. I can’t pinpoint when it started to go south for us, but I do know where I went wrong. I couldn’t understand why you wanted to party on our first anniversary with your theater buddies. But as I thought about it recently I thought perhaps you wanted your friends to meet me.
If that is the case, that is the first time my insecurities blind-sided me to your love. After that, I remember when I was really torn up about not being accepted to the film program at my school. I’m not sure if you grasped how much it truly hurt me. It was not simply people critiquing my work. He called it horrible. Being rejected from the film program hurt, not because they stopped me from making films, but because they rejected my mind. I never thought I would be mainstream. I am a person that is either loved or hated. I do not think there is an in between.
I’ve learned a lot since being rejected from the film program. Not that my films or thought process is bad. But that I have a unique mind. I don’t believe I see the world how other people see it. And that’s ok.
I fell in love with you because I believe we are very similar although obviously very different at the same time. We have both mistreated people who have been there for us. I remember our talk before you left for school. I hope you do as well. If our moms can forgive us for all of the crap that we put them through, then I do not need more proof that love exists.
Sure, we may react differently to many things, but I do think we have a similar thought process. I agree I have become more radical than I was in the past but I did always have my liberal feminist views inside me. You know what opened my eyes? The group I followed on Facebook silenced me when I defended you. I never named you but mentioned fights that we had about certain issues and they basically said that they could never do that. That they wouldn’t. How can you learn anything from only speaking with like-minded people? I know you don’t care much about politics but your points of view never bothered me. Even when you proved me wrong. I was better for learning something I didn’t know.
I hope in all of our years together (seems weird writing it) I hope you’ve learned some things from me as well. Not just about me, but about yourself. Before I was with you, I was scared to show my nerdy side, for lack of a better word. Now I do not give a fuck what people think about my 2DS or Yoshi shirt. I truly bonded with my friend Iris talking about Clefable! It felt great to have a conversation like that about my interests that mattered to me. But also about something that wasn’t too serious.
I used to hate small talk because I never knew what to say. But from you I know that if you like or know someone, the easiest way to break the ice and start a good friendship is saying “hi.” I do not expect you to forgive me right away or ever. I really don’t even know how to end this.
Can we start again?
Hi.
I’m Nicole.
I don’t want you to be like anyone else.
This is not to take away from others.
But I like how different you are.
I love how vibrant you are when you are happy.
When you’re happy
You have a smile that gives the world hope.
When I was sad and alone at Bard,
you gave me hope.
If this letter does that for you and nothing more,
I have achieved what I wanted.
I hate to be sentimental on this hypothetical re-meeting (if that’s what you want to call this)
But I’m sorry.
I love you
If you have to be free from me to be happy. I understand.
I hope you’ll say “Hi” back.
Screenshot from an Android phone **The Gaff Blog does not own this image** Characters from Boy Meets World Topanga and Cory
If you have not read any of my other posts: I recently discovered I may be gluten intolerant. And will be going to the doctor soon to test for celiac or chrohn’s disease.
This past Fourth of July, I enjoyed many standard all beef hot dogs. My family prefers Nathan’s brand beef hot dogs or Ball Park beef franks. I enjoy them as well. But since I made this recent discovery, I have had to make a lot of changes in my diet, while still attempting to keep myself sane with foods that I love.
For National Hot Dog Day, I celebrated a day ahead of time with two organic uncured beef hot dogs by Applegate (also gluten free)
Applegate Organic Uncured Beef Hot Dogs **Image by Nicole Oliva**
I had them in Udi’s Gluten Free Classic Hot Dog Buns
Udi’s Gluten Free Classic Hot Dog Buns. **Image by Nicole Oliva**
This year National Hot Dog Day (USA) falls on July 23, 2015.
You may be tired of all these national holidays. So instead of simply saying have a great hotdog: I’d like to know how you like your hot dog. Not just how you like them. But what kind do you like? Do you like all beef? All meats? Or a certain brand? Even veggie dogs?
If you hate hot dogs more than anything, you can vent about that too.
You can even vent about the never ending list of national holidays
The floor is yours! (Or page, however you want to put it)
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Art is much less important than life, but what a poor life without it. Robert Motherwell.
I have always believed that art is an important piece of the puzzle of life. Without art, I would not be complete. (Two of many posters/images on my wall)Quote by Robert Motherwell (on the left) Copyright MoMA or Museum of Modern Art. From their Abstract Expressionist New York Exhibit Oct 3,2010 – April 25, 2011; (On the right) Pablo Picasso’s “Girl Before a Mirror” Also, purchased at the MoMA.
Art has been a major influence in my life in a lot of ways. Not simply visual art either. Artists (visual and musical), paintings, music, film (also directors and screenplay writers), animation, writers like Maya Angelou (bless her soul and her beautiful poetry), even some clothing designers (You go Diane Von Furstenberg!), have all inspired me in some way. Even to start writing this blog.
When I look at the walls in my room, it’s easy to see how art has been an inspiration to me, even though recently I have hit a bit of a wall with my creativity. I’ve always been willing to try new things when it comes to art, as far as exploration and discovery go (in one’s art that is). But it seems whenever people tell me that they do not like some of my work, I take it too harshly. Should I or shouldn’t I? Nevertheless, I still draw and paint to my heart’s desire.
An extended view of the pictures on my wall (In order clockwise from the top left) Robert Motherwell’s quote again; Also Picasso’s “Girl Before A Mirror,” Andy Warhol’s “Chocolate Bunny which says: “I never met an animal I didn’t like;” Maya Angelou’s “Phenomenal Woman” in a hardcover copy; Warhol’s Flowers in Red; Warhol’s Pop Art Print – Shoes which says: “It takes a lot of work to figure out how to look so good.” (**All Artworks showed in this image except Angelou’s bought from the MoMA. All rights reserved to original owners**) **Image by Nicole Oliva**
Until recently, I was not too good with words. Creating visual art was my sole escape. Keyword was. I still enjoy drawing and painting, reading, writing, going to museums whenever I can. However, life has caught up with me and has become more serious. I especially struggled after I was rejected from a film program I yearned to be a part of ever since I fell in love with film: the ultimate visual art in my opinion, because it encompasses all aspects of visual art, but also utilizes music and dialogue (in modern cinema of course).
Art is my escape from reality because art does not force you to have an impression or experience you do not wish to have. Certainly, artists have intentions for their work when they create them. But experiencing art encompasses everything you have ever seen. Depending on your point of view, you will see something different from how I do. Also, creating art is a unique experience in itself as well. People have tried to describe the process of creating art. But it is not the same for everyone.
Pablo Picasso’s “Girl Before a Mirror” **Image taken by Nicole Oliva. Artwork purchased from the MoMA or Museum of Modern Art in NYC.**
To me, “Girl Before a Mirror,” connects with my insecure side. When I look into it, I see myself looking into the mirror and think about how I pick apart myself and my flaws. But it is fair to say that this was not even close to what Pablo Picasso was thinking while creating this piece. Or while deciding on which colors to use, the shape of the woman’s breasts and hips, etc. He may have simply been fascinated with a woman’s habit of peering into a mirror. Picasso had more than a few women in his life. In the past, when I read about Picasso’s life and accomplishments I was fascinated about how he lived. He and the people he lived amongst revolutionized cubism during their own lifetime. Imagine doing that during your time alive? One could only hope to accomplish as much or even half of what Picasso did during his own lifetime. To be so successful, that your grandchildren do not have to work. If you do not believe me, google his grandchildren. He probably made most of his wealth after he died, and sure, he had his flaws, but can you say you are perfect?
Drawings by yours truly **Original Artworks Created by Nicole Oliva and Image by Nicole Oliva** (Top left) Self-portrait 2013; (Top right) A Still Life 2013; (Bottom right) Two Hands 2013 (Blown up version of the image on the bottom left) All original works that are shown here were created for a drawing class.
Does Art Imitate Life or Does Life Imitate Art?
I do not think I could give a definite answer to that question but in my opinion, my art reflects my life. Sure, I have tried to redo some Picasso pieces. So in that literal way, I replicated art and was influenced by it. But I have always been an observer. Not necessarily a follower. Following this line of thought, some people may entirely imitate art, but the ones who revolutionize, their art imitates life. Not the other way around.
I believe all great art imitates life. Even abstract art. Abstract art in itself is a complex puzzle not meant to be solved. Just like life. Why are we here? I do not have an answer to that question either. Are we here to live and then die? What should be we do while on this Earth? What if we all have a purpose that is meant to be fulfilled? Have I fulfilled that purpose yet?
More pictures on my wall lol. Pictures of Lady Gaga **Image by Nicole Oliva** Original images taken from a magazine. Copyright goes to original owners or photographers.
If you read through older posts on the Gaff Blog, you’ll see one post that mentions Lady Gaga, who is another great influence in my life. Say what you will about her. But her music, whether she was high while writing it or even making the beats certainly imitates her life. From Bad Kids to So Happy I Could Die, to Monster, if you dig deep into her lyrics, you can see the real her. Even Poker Face is apparently about her hiding a bisexual fantasy from her lover. The rawness of her music is what always attracted me to her as an artist. Also, her love of playing piano always inspires me to bring an aspect of what I love into my future work and career. Although her taste for leather repulsed me during my vegetarian phase, I accepted her for her flaws. Some may think she has more than others. But again, we’re all imperfect. Artists may simply be more attuned to accepting their flaws.
To end this post, I will say that art has continued to be an immensely beneficial aspect of my life. If art has not benefitted you in any way, I suggest checking again. On your walls, on your clothes, maybe some place that I wouldn’t even think of. But find what makes you happy and pursue that, whatever way you can.
Last image from my wall. Quote by Diane Von Furstenberg. “Be yourself and enjoy it! Live healthy and love your body! Your confidence is your real beauty.”**Image by Nicole Oliva**
To introduce the topic I will say that today’s Art Tuesday will discuss being an introvert.
When I was 17 or 18 years old, I wrote “Problems of An Introvert“ about myself, and my personal problems to let off some steam. Problems of An Introvert is not about all introverts, it is about this introvert, writing this post aka me 😛 ( and if you can read my horrid hand writing the subheading is: AKA Shy Kid, also referring to me) Thus, I apologize for my ignorance or anything that is outright false because while it has only been a couple of years ( I am 21 years old now) I have learned a lot since then. I am not the only introvert on the planet. And I will address now that although my first and second problem noted discuss shyness which is a major misconception of being introverted – a lot of people assume that all introverts are shy. I personally happen to be a shy introvert. However, this is certainly not true for all introverted people.
Problems of an Introvert Page 1 Written by Nicole Oliva (written when I was 17 or 18) read full post for details.
Problems of an Introvert page one: (I am writing them over in case people cannot read my chicken scratch lol)
1. The obvious being shy
2. Overcoming the shyness.
Since one and two both discuss shyness I will talk about them in conjunction. When I was younger, I was very confused and did not know myself as well. So yes, I was shy. But, I also was simply less comfortable with myself and my introvertedness so I did not know how to make myself happy. I did not realize that I needed some rest time in between seeing people. My family did not necessarily respect privacy when I was younger and so I was always with someone on my back, not letting me be me. Knowing myself a lot better now and learning to deal with my introvertedness (not my shyness) has in turn made me understand how to live better and to deal with everyone a lot better. I was and am still shy when I first meet people. I will never run up to anyone and start an off-the-cuff conversation about foolish things. But I realize that everyone is not trying to trigger my anxiety. Just everyone is different and that is ok. There are more people like me. Introverts generally act the way I do. Yes, we’ll talk to you. But actually engage us in conversation one-on-one and we’ll be your best friend. We cannot handle all of the pressure of large crowds or a cafeteria like setting. It’s too much for our brains to take in. We prefer laid-back settings to talk and get to know people. Occasionally I will go to a party. But I’m probably the first to leave or I will be making myself comfortable in a quiet corner or nook 😛
Introverts do not thrive on human interaction the way extroverts do. For an introvert, hanging out with people can be compared to working out. The more people we hang out with, the more our brain works to process everything and keep up. Throw some loud music and a crowd and we’re basically running a marathon. Speaking of marathons. Not saying an introvert wouldn’t do one. But they might need a day or two to rest from running and people after they go through with it.
For a better interpretation of what being introverted means I suggest “How To Love Your Introvert” by Kevin Yang a Button Poetry video on Youtube.
3. People assuming you want to be alone (in some cases, but 8 out or 10 times totally wrong, and actually the opposite),
Yes, introverts need off time to recharge (for lack of a better term) but that does not mean we need to be home alone all of the time. Introverts are not necessarily lazy, or incapable home bodies. However, as said we prefer cool, laid-back settings. Most parties are not laid-back. So fix the setting of your party before you invite your favorite introvert.
4. Assholes that take advantage of them (most introverts are nice, but maybe not in a smiley kind of way. I myself do things for people to show them I care/like them as a person)
Listen, stop telling to me to smile on first sight of my face. I do not live to please everyone. Nor do I need to smile all day to prove that I am happy. Did you ever think to ask if someone is happy before assuming they are miserable because they do not have a smile pasted on their face? Well maybe now you should. That’s all I will say about this.
If you want a laugh check out my post on button poetry which has two Youtube videos related to this specific problem 🙂
5. Personally, I am a perfectionist. I hate confrontation. I’m picky. I don’t like talking about my feelings, however I am very emotional/sentimental. I’m good at criticizing but I can’t take criticism from other people. I get into a vicious cycle of unhappiness and can’t get out (frequently)
This problem may simply be my own personal one. But I am not discussing how I am actually feeling when you ask me how I am. And even when I do say something other than good and fine, people seem to think that’s weird or do not actually engage me anyhow. So sorry for not following your stupid routine but I do have feelings that you do not need to hear about, nor do you actually care.
If you’re going to ask me how I am, you can expect an answer other than good. Otherwise, do not bother me with your stupid small talk.
6. I’m horrible at small talk. When people ask me simple questions I give simple answers. It’s always like “How are you?” or “What’s up?” And I’m like good or fine. Even if I’m having a horrible day.
As an introvert, small talk never rubbed me the right way. I never understood why people would ask me how I am doing if they did not actually care for a response beyond good or fine. Even when I say fine, people have literally said: “Just fine?” as if I’m lying or fine was not good enough for them. Apparently, I have to stroke everyone’s ego when I give my response. And god forbid I do not say “And you?” back to them right away. Got into an argument about this one. If I do not say it right away I was perhaps thinking, or you know do not actually care about you. Sorry for the honesty, but that’s the blunt truth motherfucker. Not everyone cares about you damn it. I’ll say it straight to your face.
7. I’m not very spontaneous. I usually like to have a routine or I start to feel/become restless.
Again, I do not know if this specific trait is universal to introverts, but for myself personally, I have always needed something to do or I start cleaning like a crazy person because that was the only thing I could think to do. Plus it is productive. Did I mention the thing had to be productive? lol. My routine must be filled with things to do that are productive.
Either work,
Or cleaning the whole house.
Anchorman image – That escalated quickly. The gaff blog does not own this image
8. At my worst (without personal time to recharge) I’m moody, lazy, apathetic, I procrastinate, so therefore, I’m also probably stressed out, and I keep to myself more.
When people do not allow me the time I need to recharge I am the worst person on the planet. I insult everyone around me. I am irritable. I will criticize you until you are on the brink of cutting yourself. If you do not want this dragon lady version of me to come out. Please respect my time and allow me to do whatever the fuck I want by myself. And I will reemerge as the lovely lady people all know and love (I hope they like/love me XD lol.)
Also, personally I always procrastinate if I can, because I know I can get the job done just as well anyway. Any college student who writes long papers overnight can agree and sympathize 😀 ! lol.
I got an A on a 10 page paper I wrote overnight. What about you? You planned yours out a week/month ahead of time? Aw that’s sweet hun lol. Get on my level XD.
9. If I do not automatically feel comfortable with people, then I do not hang out with them. So I’m kind of picky with friends too.
I cannot claim this is a universal problem for introverts either, but I have always used my intuition when it comes to meeting new people especially people who could potentially become a friend. Which is why I also hate the typical small talk of people asking how I am doing. If you do not care for a real and honest response, then we probably will not be friends or even acquaintances in the future. I will be nothing except myself when talking to you. Do not expect lollipops and rainbows with me.
Problems of an introvert part 3 written by my 17 or 18 year old self.
So the last page of Problems is just one. But it’s a major one that seems to be a problem with people’s perception of introverts or shy people who do not vomit everything they feel out:
10. Expressing feelings.
Some introverts may seem cold or mean maybe even passive aggressive because they either have a hard time expressing their feelings or do not wish to share with everyone they ever meet.
I personally am so good at hiding how I am feeling, it’s definitely a problem because I end up holding things in and I may or may not end up blowing up on people if I reach a certain point.
When I really like someone and reach a certain level of comfortability with them, my true colors come out.
So to explain this one, basically, getting to know an introvert is a process. You will not know everything about them, especially me, until you get to know them a lot better. I personally need to spend a lot of time with someone and possibly share a lot with them before considering them my best friend. One day at six flags is not necessarily making them my bestie. Speaking of that, I hate roller coasters. Do not assume everyone likes six flags 😛
Everyone who likes six flags is already there. Go with them XD
To end this discussion, I share a self portrait of myself that I drew within the same time span that I wrote Problems of an Introvert
Self Portrait of yours truly Nicole O. 🙂 I do positively own this image in my sketch pad. Anyone taking this image and using it elsewhere will suffer the consequences of having a beautiful self portrait of me 😛 lol.
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This article is not affiliated with the Gaff Blog or what we typically write about but I wanted to share in honor of Madison Holleran.
Don’t let the pressure of looking perfect and cool take you away from the people and things you love. If you do not have anyone to talk to the least you have is yourself. Do not give that up. Fight the fight for you.
Depression is not a laughing matter.
If you feel the same share this post and join the discussion:
** The article linked to in this post is not in anyway owned or written by the Gaff Blog. All rights go to ESPN and the original writer/reporter Kate Fagan **
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